She Strengthens

The Unseen Struggle of Being the “Poor Friend”

Growing up, I never felt like I fit in with my peers. Despite being responsible with money and working hard to achieve financial stability, I’ve always been the “poor friend.” It’s a feeling that’s lingered with me since childhood, and one that I’ve struggled to shake off even as an adult.

A Childhood of Hiding Poverty

I grew up in a small town in Connecticut, in a modest Cape Cod-style house on a decent street. My mother, who had me at 19, worked hard to provide for me and my grandmother, who lived with us. We didn’t have much, but we had love and support. However, I always felt like I was living in the “poor part” of town, and that my friends from the nicer neighborhoods looked down on me.

The Pressure to Fit In

As I entered middle school, my mother worked tirelessly to get me into the “good” school on the other side of town. I was determined to fit in with my new classmates, who seemed to have it all – new clothes, nice cars, and private tutors. I began to live a double life, making up excuses to avoid going to my house and saving up my allowance to buy cool clothes and makeup. I was desperate to seem normal, to hide the fact that my parents couldn’t afford the same luxuries as my friends.

The Burden of Financial Secrets

This charade continued throughout high school and college. I worked multiple jobs to save up for tuition and living expenses, all while pretending to have more than I did. My friends would talk about their summer vacations and expensive hobbies, while I was working obsessively to make ends meet. I felt ashamed to admit the truth – that my parents couldn’t afford to cosign on loans, and that I was shouldering the burden of my education alone.

The Reality of Adulthood

Now, as a 25-year-old living in a big city, I earn a decent salary and save aggressively. I’m proud of how far I’ve come, but the feeling of being the “poor friend” still lingers. I have to be frugal and responsible with my money, knowing that I can’t rely on my parents for help. I’ve had to sacrifice certain experiences and luxuries in order to achieve my long-term goals.

The Psychological Toll

Living with poverty has left its mark on me. I’m haunted by the fear of being found out, of being seen as less-than by my peers. I struggle with the urge to spend money on things that will make me appear richer, just to fit in. It’s a constant battle to remind myself that true freedom comes from financial stability, not from keeping up appearances.

Breaking Free from Shame

As I look to the future, I know that I want to own a home, invest wisely, and take real vacations. But more than that, I want to break free from the shame and anxiety that comes with being the “poor friend.” I want to embrace my financial reality, to be proud of the hard work and sacrifices I’ve made. It’s time to stop hiding behind a facade of wealth and start living authentically.