She Strengthens

The Financial Realities of Long-Distance Love

A Tale of Two Cities (and Two Hearts)

As I reflect on my three-year long-distance relationship, I’m reminded of the countless sacrifices we’ve made to keep our love alive despite the distance. My boyfriend and I were once inseparable in college, but life had other plans. He pursued a career in healthcare journalism in San Francisco, while I embarked on a fellowship in Turkey and eventually settled in New York. We didn’t take the decision lightly, but we soon realized that being apart would come with a hefty price tag.

The Cost of Love

Our biggest expense is travel. We try to see each other every month, which means shelling out between $350 to $500 per ticket. While technology helps bridge the gap, nothing replaces the joy of in-person visits. This means committing to an annual expenditure of around $2,000 each – a significant burden, but one we’re willing to bear.

Vacation Time: A Precious Commodity

As a result, my vacation time is always spoken for. Any break from work is divided between visiting my boyfriend and spending time with family. This means forgoing trips with friends or taking personal days, as they would cut into our limited time together. It’s a frustrating trade-off, but one we make willingly.

Celebrations and Holidays: A Lonely Affair

We often miss out on celebrating special occasions together, like Thanksgiving or Christmas, due to the prohibitive costs of flights and gifts. However, we prioritize a few special times to be together, like my birthday, which coincides with a long weekend. We plan months in advance to turn this weekend into a mini-vacation, saving up for tickets and accommodations.

Fairness in Travel

Initially, we thought alternating trips would be fair, but our schedules proved to be too disparate. My boyfriend’s job involves frequent travel to the east coast, allowing him to visit more often, while my 9-to-6 job means longer, less frequent visits. We decided it was a fair trade, but it can be challenging when life gets busy, and our visits become joint study/work sessions rather than romantic getaways.

The Temptation to Splurge

Every visit feels like a special occasion, and it’s hard not to splurge on date nights and activities. However, we balance this out by being frugal in the weeks leading up to and following our visits. We’ve also learned to take advantage of free events, hole-in-the-wall restaurants, and Groupon deals to make the most of our time together.

Time Management and Efficiency

Living apart has taught me to be more efficient with my time, whether it’s waking up early for a longer Skype chat or scheduling vacation time months in advance. Even our fights are more efficient, as we don’t have time to waste on pettiness. Our relationship thrives when we’re both busy, and we’ve both benefited from putting in extra hours at work.

The Uncertain Financial Future

Despite being together for nearly five years, our long-distance relationship has meant missing out on key financial milestones, like moving in together, budgeting for groceries, or combining our finances. It’s hard to envision our financial future together, and sometimes it feels like our relationship is stuck in limbo. We worry about how we’ll handle bigger financial decisions down the line, like managing student loans or grocery shopping budgets.

Is It Worth It?

Being in a long-distance relationship isn’t for everyone, and we’ve been lucky to have employment and financial situations that have allowed us to spend time together. Despite the challenges, the time we spend together still outweighs the cost of being apart. As long as that’s true, I’m confident we’re making the right choice – emotionally, financially, and in every other way.