She Strengthens

Defining Your Worth: Breaking Free from External Validation

This week, we’re tackling two questions that may seem worlds apart, but ultimately boil down to the same fundamental issue: understanding and owning your self-worth. Whether it’s in our personal relationships or professional lives, we all struggle with defining our value and breaking free from external validation.

The Luxury of Self-Deception

Hi Chelsea,

I’m writing to you today because I’m stuck in a relationship that’s comfortable, but not fulfilling. My partner and I have been together for four years, and while I love him, I know I don’t want to marry him. The problem is, he’s wealthy, and I’m not. We live in a beautiful one-bedroom apartment in the East Village, and I’ve grown accustomed to the luxuries that come with his $200k salary. I’m afraid to break up with him because I know I’ll have to give up this lifestyle.

Chelsea’s Take:

Let’s be real, you’ve been staying in this relationship for months because of the perks. You’re essentially trading your time, attention, and intimacy for a luxurious lifestyle. This isn’t inherently wrong, but it’s essential to acknowledge the dynamics at play. You’re using your partner for financial gain, and he may not even be aware of it. This lack of transparency is what makes this situation morally gray.

To move forward, you need to take responsibility for your actions and acknowledge the real reasons behind your hesitation. It’s time to reevaluate your priorities and focus on building your self-worth. Remember, true happiness and fulfillment come from within, not from external sources like wealth or material possessions.

Breaking Free from Blame

Hi Chelsea,

I’m a graduate student working as a receptionist at a retirement community. Lately, I’ve been feeling blamed for mistakes that aren’t my fault. It seems like I’m always at the wrong place at the wrong time, and management is quick to point fingers. I feel guilty, even though I know I’m not responsible.

Chelsea’s Take:

I understand your frustration, Anonymous. It’s tough to be in a position where you’re constantly being blamed for things outside of your control. Unfortunately, this is a common issue in many workplaces, especially when you’re in a low-impact position and pursuing further education.

To regain control and confidence, it’s essential to assert yourself without being confrontational. Send a polite email to your superiors, asking how you can improve and prevent similar situations in the future. This shows that you’re invested in your job and willing to learn.

On a deeper level, remember that your worth isn’t defined by your job or the opinions of others. You are more than your current situation, and it’s crucial to focus on your strengths and the things that make you unique. Don’t let others dictate your self-worth; instead, define it for yourself.

The Bottom Line

In both cases, the key to breaking free is to acknowledge the underlying issues and take responsibility for your actions. It’s time to focus on building your self-worth and recognizing your value beyond external sources like wealth, relationships, or job titles. Remember, true happiness and fulfillment come from within, and it’s up to you to define your worth.