The Unspoken Truth About Dating and Money
As a young woman living in a second-tier American city, I’ve found myself stuck in a cycle of dating and despair. I’ve downloaded and deleted Tinder more times than I can count, always hoping to find that special someone who will sweep me off my feet. But it’s not just about the romance – it’s about the feeling of financial freedom that comes with being in a relationship.
Growing up in a poor and unstable household, I’ve always associated money with stress and uncertainty. My parents’ constant fighting over my dad’s gambling addiction and my mom’s multiple jobs left me with a deep-seated fear of financial instability. Even though my mom has since found financial stability, it was too late to shape my views on money and relationships.
The Fear of Loss
As a result, I’ve developed a hoarding mentality when it comes to money. I’m terrified of losing it, and I’ve become obsessed with saving and investing. I’ve paid off my student debt and live a frugal lifestyle, always prioritizing stability over luxury. But this fear of loss has also seeped into my relationships, making me fearful of getting too close to someone.
The Dating High
When I’m dating, however, everything changes. I allow myself to spend more freely and have fun, without worrying about the cost. The guy is usually footing the bill, and it feels thrilling to experience the comfort and freedom that comes with it. For a brief moment, I get to forget about my financial insecurities and feel like someone who isn’t worried about money.
Breaking the Cycle
But I know this pattern is unhealthy and self-imposed. I’ve started talking to my therapist about it, and I’ve realized that I need to take control of my finances and my relationships. I’ve decided to take a break from dating for six months and give myself a “fun budget” each month to spend on myself or with friends. It won’t be easy, but I’m ready to break free from these patterns and start living a more authentic life.
Taking Back Control
I envy people who grew up with a stable home and relative comfort around money. They get to navigate the world without the hangups and insecurities that come with growing up poor. But I’m determined to take back control of my finances and my relationships. I’ll be holding myself accountable, and I’m excited to see the person I’ll become on the other side of this journey.
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