She Strengthens

The Dark Side of Privilege: Lessons from a Private Tutor

As a private academic tutor, I’ve had the privilege of working with high school students from wealthy families. My clients ranged from solidly upper-middle-class households to multi-acre estates owned by the One Percent. While I earned a good hourly wage, I soon realized that my work was not just about teaching academics, but also about navigating the complexities of privilege.

A Glimpse into the Lives of the Elite

I spent countless hours traveling across Manhattan and Long Island, lugging thick SAT and ACT prep books to tutor students in opulent homes. These mansions boasted sprawling porches, snowy carpeting, and artwork acquired at auctions. In some cases, I had to announce myself to uniformed doormen, who would call up to seek permission from the family before I could enter their gilded elevators. The apartments themselves were stunning, with some featuring real zebra-skin rugs and golden thrones.

The Paradox of Privilege

However, I noticed a disturbing trend among my students. Despite having every resource available to them, many struggled academically. They knew that regardless of their effort, their parents would provide for them, and this sense of security hindered their motivation. They were aware that their GPA wouldn’t impact their access to luxuries like the latest iPhone, exotic vacations, or high-end cars. This realization defied logic, as one would expect that more resources would lead to greater success.

The Role of Parents

While some parents were grounded in reality, recognizing the importance of their children’s effort and consequences, many viewed tutors as glorified babysitters. They wanted their children to excel academically, but not genuinely. They prioritized a peaceful, friend-like relationship with their kids over their growth and independence. These parents were often just as entrenched in a financially privileged mentality as their children, failing to see how their wealth contributed to their kids’ struggles.

A Lesson in Consequences

One student, a bright and socially perceptive girl, would often show up to lessons in her pajamas, interrupting our sessions to order lunch from her maid. This girl was curt and ungracious with her maid, making cruel jokes at her expense. It was heartbreaking to witness, especially as someone who had to tolerate similar attitudes during lessons. Over time, I resented the parents’ simplistic solution to their children’s problems – hiring a tutor like me – without addressing the root issue of their privilege.

A Parenting Manifesto

As I reflected on my experiences, I began compiling a mental “parenting manifesto.” One of the key takeaways was the importance of letting children work for what they truly want. Growing up rich can lead to feelings of entitlement and disconnection from the value of hard work. My own father, who raised me with a strong work ethic, once told me that he was glad he didn’t earn a higher salary when I was growing up. “You understood how hard we had to work for the good things you enjoyed,” he said. “You weren’t allergic to effort.”

The Double-Edged Sword of Wealth

As I look back on my time as a private tutor, I’m grateful for the lessons I learned about the complexities of privilege. Wealth can provide opportunities, but it can also hinder personal growth and motivation. As I raise my own children one day, I’ll carry these lessons with me, striving to instill a strong work ethic and appreciation for the value of effort.