She Strengthens

The Weight of Financial Anxiety

Financial anxiety is a burden many of us carry, often silently. The internet is flooded with self-care tips, from yoga to meditation, but what about the role of spending in our mental wellbeing? For some, like me, retail therapy can be a welcome respite. However, a conversation with my friend Danai revealed a vastly different approach.

Different Paths, Same Goal

Danai, an educator, and I, a tech professional, have distinct lifestyles. She lives in a small southern U.S. city with her spouse and pet, while I call New York City home. Despite our differences, we share a commitment to celebrating ourselves and treating ourselves well. Yet, our methods couldn’t be more disparate.

Rewarding Hard Work

For me, hard work warrants rewards, whether tangible or experiential. A challenging few days at work might justify a nice dinner out or a quick vacation. This logic isn’t foolproof, but I relish the feeling of earning something nice. Danai, on the other hand, finds that kind of spending stressful. She’d rather save for emergencies, a habit born from a childhood of financial instability.

Fear vs. Empowerment

As we discussed our approaches, it became clear that Danai’s decisions were driven by fear, not security or empowerment. Her anxiety stemmed from a deep-seated fear of poverty, rooted in her childhood experiences. Despite her current financial stability, she still managed her finances from a place of scarcity.

The Lasting Impact of Financial Trauma

Financial instability can leave an indelible mark on our psyche, affecting our mental wellbeing long after the immediate crisis has passed. I know this from personal experience, having struggled with credit card debt and financial insecurity after college. The stress and anxiety that followed took years to overcome.

Breaking Free

When I finally broke the cycle of debt, I felt liberated. I learned to use credit cards responsibly and now approach spending with a healthy dose of caution. Danai, however, feels she’s missing out on opportunities due to her financial anxiety. She wants to invest in enriching experiences and items of value, but her fear holds her back.

A Path Forward

Danai is committed to changing her relationship with money, and I’m proud to support her on this journey. Our conversation served as a wake-up call for me, too. I realized that my own spending habits might be problematic, and that I need to work on building a healthier emotional connection with my finances.

The Power of Open Dialogue

The most important step we can take is to continue having open, honest conversations about personal finances. By doing so, we’re not only deepening our friendship but also chipping away at the stigma surrounding money and struggle. In these candid conversations, we’re giving ourselves permission to be works in progress, imperfect and anxious, but ultimately free.