The Reality of Money: Ditching Emotions and Value Judgments
When it comes to money, emotions can run high, especially in relationships. I recently had a conversation with a coworker who shared her frustrations about money disagreements with her husband. She saves and plans for big expenses, but he feels that after working long hours and earning overtime, he deserves to splurge on his days off. While I understand the sentiment, I was taken aback by the lack of communication and equal partnership in their financial decisions.
The Harsh Truth About Money
Money doesn’t care about what we think we should be able to do. It’s a finite resource, and we must decide how to allocate it wisely. This reality check is especially important when combining finances with a partner. By knowing and communicating our exact financial situation, we can eliminate the emotional baggage associated with money talks.
Fear: The Root of Money Emotions
For many people, money is a source of fear, especially when there isn’t enough to make ends meet. However, this fear can also manifest in different ways, such as anxiety, guilt, or feelings of entitlement. While increasing income or reducing expenses may be necessary in some cases, simply understanding our financial situation can alleviate much of this fear.
My Personal Experience
In my own marriage, we faced numerous money disagreements early on. We got married young and were navigating our first “grown-up” jobs, living expenses, and financial responsibilities without family support. Despite having open conversations about money before marriage, we still struggled to create a budget that worked for both of us. Every expense felt like it was set in stone, leaving me feeling guilty and my partner feeling micromanaged.
The Turning Point: Budgeting and Analysis
The game-changer for us was conducting a thorough spending analysis and creating a budget that reflected our actual expenses. It wasn’t perfect, but it gave us a framework to work from. We’ve since tweaked our budget, adjusted our spending categories, and continued to refine our financial plan. While we’re not “done” with this process, our budget has allowed us to pay bills on time, save aggressively, give back, and enjoy some discretionary spending without guilt or fights.
The Key Takeaway
When we give every dollar a job in our budget, we can ditch the emotions and value judgments associated with money. We don’t have to worry about what we “should” be able to do, because we know exactly what we can do. By taking control of our finances and communicating openly with our partners, we can build a stronger, more resilient relationship.
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