Embracing a Year of Transformation
As I approach my 30th birthday, I’ve come to realize that 2018 has been a year of significant change for me. It wasn’t a conscious decision, but rather a natural progression of events that allowed me to slow down and re-evaluate my life and habits.
Breaking Free from Self-Deception
One of the most profound changes I’ve experienced is the ability to be honest with myself. For too long, I convinced myself that I was working hard when I was only giving 30% effort. I thought I was eating healthy when, in reality, I was consuming hundreds of extra calories a day. I blamed others for the weakening of important relationships when, in truth, it was my own lack of effort. I lived by the motto “good enough,” allowing my strengths to excuse my weaknesses. But no more.
The Illusion of Control
I’ve always been skeptical of restrictive diets that require the removal of entire food groups. Instead, I believe in living life to the fullest and enjoying everything in moderation. But beneath this belief lies a deeper feeling – a desire for control and certainty in a chaotic world. It’s a feeling that’s almost spiritual, reminiscent of the conviction and zeal I once experienced as a member of a religious group. In today’s society, where health and wellness are often moralized, it’s easy to get caught up in the idea that we must follow a specific path to achieve true wellness. But I’ve come to realize that this pursuit of perfection can be a form of self-deception, a way to avoid the uncertainty and complexity of life.
Rethinking Goals and Purpose
For me, setting goals has always been a challenge. I have vague, formless feelings and mental images that guide me, but I struggle to quantify them. This has led to feelings of impostor syndrome, as I believe that successful people know exactly what they want and are driven towards it with conviction. But I’ve realized that my approach to goal-setting has been arbitrary and externally-imposed. I know what feels good, and I know what I’m moving towards, but I need to learn to quantify those things in a way that feels authentic to me.
Taking Responsibility
The truth is, I’ve been lying to myself by rejecting the idea of setting serious goals. I’ve been afraid to commit to anything that might require me to confront my own limitations. But I’ve come to understand that quantifying my desires is not obsessing over them; it’s a way to ensure I get the most out of life. By taking responsibility for my goals and desires, I can break free from the cycle of self-deception and truly achieve fulfillment.
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