Breaking Free from Financial Enabling
Growing up, my family didn’t shy away from discussing money, but my mother was careful about sharing her financial struggles with us. She’d often mention that she didn’t have enough, but the exact figures remained a mystery. What I did learn, however, was the importance of supporting each other during tough times. Our family had an unspoken rule: if someone needed help with rent or bills, others would step in to assist. This sense of community helped my mom make ends meet and kept a roof over our heads.
As I grew older and became more financially stable, I wanted to repay the kindness my family had shown me. But I soon realized that my generosity was being taken advantage of. I’m a people-pleaser, and I’d rather avoid conflict than say no to requests for money. This led to a pattern of overextending myself, even when it meant sacrificing my own financial security.
Setting Boundaries
I finally reached a breaking point and decided to establish some rules to protect myself from financial exhaustion. Here are the three boundaries I set:
1. No Money for Fair-Weather Friends
I no longer give money to relatives who only contact me when they need something. It’s frustrating to be treated like an ATM, and I’ve spoken to those individuals about it. Now, when they reach out solely for financial help, I politely let them know I’m not able to assist.
2. No Funding Unnecessary Wants
Unless it’s a special occasion or I can afford to be generous, I don’t help family members buy material items they don’t need. I’ve stopped enabling their desires for new gadgets or clothes, and instead focus on helping them with essential expenses.
3. Alternative Ways to Help
When I can’t offer monetary assistance, I try to find other ways to support my family members. This might mean helping them build a résumé, tweak their cover letters, or teaching them new skills. By doing so, I’m still able to show my support without compromising my own financial stability.
Some might view my boundaries as harsh, but I believe they’re essential for self-preservation. By setting these rules, I’m not only protecting myself but also encouraging my family members to take responsibility for their own financial lives.
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