She Strengthens

The High Cost of Trying to Fit In

Embracing My True Self, Not the “Cool Girl”

I still remember reading Chelsea’s thought-provoking essay “Don’t Be a Cool Girl” on social media. The concept of a “cool girl” has evolved over time, but for me, it’s always been about a certain je ne sais quoi – an effortless charm that makes everyone want to be around them. I’ve wasted too much time and energy trying to emulate these “cool girls,” who always seem to be “down” for whatever adventure comes their way.

The Illusion of Perfection

These women have a unique ability to navigate any social setting with ease, effortlessly switching between being a girls’ girl and “one of the guys.” They’re always up for a good time, never saying no to an invite, and somehow manage to be enthusiastic without being too loud or overwhelming. And, of course, they drink whiskey – a personality trait that’s become synonymous with being cool. I’ve tried to be this person, exhausting myself in the process.

Breaking Free from the Cycle

But over the past few years, I’ve learned to prioritize my time and energy more carefully. I’ve come to realize that trying to fit in by doing things I don’t enjoy is not only expensive but also detrimental to my well-being. Here are five things I used to do to try and be a “cool girl” but have since eliminated from my life:

1. Concerts Without a Purpose

I used to feel left out when my friends went to concerts without me. But I eventually realized that I was only going to these events to impress others, not because I genuinely enjoyed the music. Now, I’m happy to decline invitations and focus on activities that bring me joy.

2. Fancy Bars and Pretentious Drinks

In college, I learned that saying you liked whiskey was a surefire way to impress guys. But the truth is, I’ve never been a fan of whiskey or gin-centric bars. These exclusive establishments, with their extensive menus and pretentious atmosphere, are my nightmare.

3. Bars That Are Also Arcades

I’ve never been into video games, but I used to think it was a personality trait worth aspiring to. Going to barcades was a way to fit in, but I’d quickly get bored watching others play games while I stood idle.

4. Q&As with People I Don’t Care About

When I moved to the city, I attended cheap events, hoping to meet new people and seem cool. But these readings with notable male authors and Q&As with experimental film directors were never really my scene. I didn’t meet anyone interesting, and the events themselves were dull.

5. Shooting Games and Activities

Growing up, I thought paintball and laser tag would be fun, but they turned out to be painful and unenjoyable experiences. I realized that if I had to pretend to enjoy activities just to fit in, those people weren’t worth my time.

The Freedom of Being Myself

Trying to be someone I’m not has cost me too much emotional energy and money. I’ve come to understand that it’s okay to say no to things that don’t bring me joy. I’m not a “cool girl,” and that’s perfectly fine. I’m glad I no longer aspire to be someone I’m not.