She Strengthens

The Weight of Inheritance

When people learn that I attended NYU, one of the most expensive colleges in the US, they often ask how I managed to foot the bill. It’s a question that still takes me back to a harrowing ambulance ride during my second year at NYU, when an EMT asked me the same thing as he administered antihistamine to counter a severe allergic reaction.

A Life-Changing Legacy

My response, “Dead mom’s life insurance,” was met with silence. It’s a truth I’ve grown accustomed to sharing, but one that still feels heavy with emotion. My mother passed away from cancer when I was just 15, leaving behind a complex web of financial arrangements that I wouldn’t fully understand until much later.

Grief and Gifts

In the weeks following her passing, our family was inundated with condolences and gifts. My brother and I were overwhelmed by the outpouring of support, but also struggled to make sense of the financial implications. We set aside a staggering number of gift cards, including a $75 voucher to Panda Express – a gesture I appreciated, but couldn’t help feeling was insufficient in the face of our loss.

A Mother’s Gift

Almost a year after her death, I turned 16 and began driving lessons. My mother had bought me a car before she passed, using the 2009 Cash For Clunkers program to trade in her old vehicle. It was a gesture I didn’t fully comprehend at the time – she had intentionally purchased the new car for me, as stated in her will. I felt guilty driving my friends around, knowing I hadn’t earned the privilege.

The Burden of Privilege

As I applied to universities during my senior year, I felt increasingly guilty about my circumstances. Many of my friends were opting for community colleges to avoid the financial burden of a private institution. It wasn’t until my father sat me down to discuss my mother’s will that I understood the full extent of her financial planning. Her life insurance policy, which she had been paying into since the late 90s, left me with a six-figure inheritance.

Quantifying Experience

With this newfound understanding, I felt empowered to apply to out-of-state schools that would have been otherwise out of reach. However, the exact figure of my inheritance also made me quantify every experience, from joining a dance group to declaring an English major. I struggled with imposter syndrome, feeling as though I didn’t deserve to be at NYU, especially when my friends were struggling with student loans.

Breaking Free

It wasn’t until my senior year, when I began working a full-time waitressing job, that I started to separate my mother’s finances from her memory. Earning a steady paycheck and saving for my post-graduate life helped alleviate the guilt I’d carried for so long. I stopped questioning whether my mother would approve of my financial decisions and began making choices that felt true to myself.

A Legacy of Love

My mother’s death may have paid for my education, but it was her love and generosity that truly gave me the gift of life. I’m grateful for the opportunities I’ve had, and I know she would have been proud of my accomplishments. What’s most important to me now is honoring her memory by living a life that values family, education, and generosity above all else.