She Strengthens

Finding Solace in Solitude

As I sipped my Aperol spritz on my Tampa patio, my friend Veronica laughed over Facetime, filling me in on her life under social distancing. While she was missing her girlfriend and feeling cooped up, I was relishing the quiet. As an introvert, I’d always been happy to stay home, FOMO-free, while my friends partied the night away. But even I knew that social distancing wasn’t all paradise.

The Silver Lining

With clinical anxiety and depression, I worried about my mother, a nurse, and tried to avoid news-induced panic attacks. Still, having to stay home had its perks. It was a chance to recharge, away from the draining social interactions that left me feeling depleted.

The Bean Metaphor

A friend training to be a psychologist shared a useful metaphor: think of social needs like beans in a jar. Extroverts start with an empty jar, filling it up with social interactions throughout the day. Introverts, on the other hand, start with a full jar, but interactions take beans away. When our jars get too low, we feel drained. This simple explanation helped me communicate my needs to loved ones. If I say I’m “low on beans,” they know I need alone time.

The Dark Side of Video Chats

At first, I loved video chatting with friends and family. But as more people joined in, the requests piled up. Friends I hadn’t talked to in years, family I rarely connected with, and old college buddies wanted to do virtual happy hours and movie nights. My calendar was filling up, and I felt trapped. I realized I needed to set boundaries and prioritize my own needs.

Listening to Your Body

The key to avoiding quarantine burnout is to listen to your body. Are you exhausted? Dreading another Zoom hangout? Pay attention to those feelings and set boundaries. Some introverts need more alone time than others. Experiment and find what works for you. Limit your weekly events and be firm with yourself on what you can and can’t attend.

Communicating Kindly but Firmly

It’s hard to say no to plans without feeling guilty. But you don’t need an excuse to take time for yourself. Be honest and respectful, and explain why you’re declining an invitation. If you’re exhausted or not interested, say so. A simple “thanks for the invite, but I’m going to pass” will do.

Finding a Solution

I worry that turning down plans will hurt relationships. To avoid this, I find a backup plan that works for both parties. If I’m not up for an event, I suggest an alternative date and time that fits my schedule. This way, I maintain important connections while respecting my own needs.

By prioritizing my own needs, setting boundaries, and communicating kindly, I’ve been able to find peace and solace in solitude during this challenging time.