Navigating Grief and Overspending: A Personal Story
Losing a loved one can be a life-altering experience, leaving us feeling lost and unsure of how to cope. For me, that moment came when my mother passed away from Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer at the age of 27. As I struggled to come to terms with my new reality, I turned to overspending as a coping mechanism.
The Fog of Grief
In the aftermath of my mother’s death, I felt like I was stumbling through a fog of grief, trying to make sense of my surroundings. I made irrational decisions, adopted unhealthy coping mechanisms, and clung to anything that could temporarily numb my pain. One of those mechanisms was overspending.
The Financial Fallout
As a medical student, my sole source of income was student loans. I had already accumulated over $200,000 in debt when my mother was diagnosed, and I had to scale back on my studies to care for her. The extra year of tuition, combined with the interest on my loans, made my net worth extremely negative. Despite knowing I shouldn’t be spending money I hadn’t earned, I felt like I didn’t care anymore.
The Spending Spree
It started innocently enough – I began browsing online marketplaces for purses, telling myself I deserved a treat. But soon, I was receiving multiple packages per week, each one providing a temporary high. I rationalized my purchases by saying I was saving money by buying second-hand, but it spiraled out of control. I spent money on everything from art classes to subscriptions to services, new clothes, and makeup.
Breaking Down the Spending
In the interest of full transparency, I tracked my spending over the course of a year. The results were staggering. I spent the most money on retail purchases, followed by thrift shopping, subscriptions, and plants. Yes, plants – $800 worth of them!
Regrets and Lessons Learned
Looking back, there are many purchases I regret. The lime green Lululemon yoga leggings, the exotic coffee subscription, and the random thrift store finds all come to mind. But I also learned valuable lessons about the psychology of spending and the importance of healthy coping mechanisms.
What I Don’t Regret
There are a few things I don’t regret spending money on – therapy, classes, and books on grief. These investments helped me process my emotions, find healthy outlets, and feel less alone in my grief.
Getting Back on Track
If you’re struggling with overspending due to grief or other factors, here are some steps you can take to get back on track:
- Face the Music: Be honest with yourself about how much you’ve spent and where your money has been going.
- Unfollow and Unsubscribe: Remove temptations by unfollowing Instagram accounts and unsubscribing from marketing emails that encourage spending.
- Healthy Coping Mechanisms First: When you feel the urge to shop, try a healthy coping mechanism like taking a walk or calling a friend instead.
- Practice Self-Compassion: Recognize that you’ve been through a traumatic event and don’t beat yourself up over unhealthy coping mechanisms. Seek help from friends, family, and mental health professionals when needed.
Remember, grief is a journey, and it takes time to heal. As grief writer Nora McInerny says, “We don’t move on from grief. We move forward with it.”
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