The Blurred Lines of Self-Care and Self-Soothing
As I sit here, surrounded by the remnants of my latest online shopping spree, I’m forced to confront the harsh reality: I’ve been using self-care as an excuse for self-soothing. The dopamine rush of clicking “buy now” and the thrill of waiting for my packages to arrive have become my coping mechanisms for the uncertainty of the world outside.
The Thin Line Between Comfort and Destruction
My self-soothing habits are not unique to this pandemic era. In fact, I’ve been perfecting the art of justifying unnecessary purchases since my eBay intervention back in 2002. But what I’ve come to realize is that self-soothing is not the same as self-care. Self-care is about finding meaning, growth, and groundedness, whereas self-soothing is merely a temporary distraction from the discomfort of life.
Defining Self-Care
A comic by Deanna Zandt illustrates the difference between self-soothing and self-care. Self-soothing activities provide comfort and distraction, while self-care activities support personal growth and well-being. For me, self-care means prioritizing my finances, exercising regularly, and taking care of my physical and mental health.
The Hierarchy of Self-Care
However, self-care is not a one-size-fits-all solution. What constitutes self-care for one person may be harmful for another. For instance, exercising may be beneficial for some, but for those struggling with eating disorders, it can be detrimental. It’s essential to draw our own lines and recognize when our self-care activities are actually self-soothing in disguise.
Recognizing Self-Soothing Patterns
So, how do I know when I’m self-soothing? It’s the instant gratification, the thrill of the purchase, and the subsequent guilt or regret. Self-soothing is a quick fix, a Band-Aid for my emotions, whereas self-care requires effort and dedication. Self-care is a love letter to my future self, a reminder that I’m capable of taking care of myself.
Breaking the Cycle of Self-Soothing
To escape the self-soothing binge, I’ve had to acknowledge my patterns and seek help from loved ones. I’ve stuck to my morning money routine, avoided temptation, and found solace in community. By taking care of myself, I’m better equipped to care for others.
The Power of Self-Care
When I prioritize self-care, I’m reminded that I’m capable of taking care of myself. The small acts of self-care – a homemade meal, a fully charged phone, or a tidy bedroom – become symbols of my ability to nurture myself. And when I take care of myself, I’m better equipped to take care of others.
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