She Strengthens

Breaking Free from Financial Shame

The Weight of Debt and the Pressure to Impress

After falling in love in China and moving back to the U.S., my boyfriend and I settled in Los Angeles to build our careers. But during our second year, I faced a daunting challenge: joining his family for Christmas in Arkansas with less than $200 in my bank account. My pride got the better of me, and I made a decision that would haunt me – I donated plasma to buy gifts, without telling anyone.

The Cycle of Financial Stress

At 24, I had just finished graduate school with over $65,000 in student loans. My dream internship at a public radio station paid only $12 an hour, and I frequently dipped into my savings to afford rent in a city known for its sky-high housing costs. I should have been searching for sustainable ways to break the paycheck-to-paycheck cycle. Instead, I turned to plasma donations to make ends meet.

The Unhealthy Attitude Toward Money and Relationships

Donating plasma is a noble act that saves lives. However, my motivations were questionable. I was ashamed to admit my financial struggles to my boyfriend, fearing I would burden him. I also believed that my net worth dictated my self-worth, a misconception rooted in my upbringing. This toxic mindset led me to prioritize material gifts over genuine relationships.

The Realization

Six years later, I’ve come to realize that my emphasis on material gifts was a misguided attempt to buy approval. Openly communicating my financial limitations would have been the right move for our relationship, my wallet, and my sanity. If I had shown up with a homemade gift, his family would have still welcomed me with open arms.

A Healthier Relationship with Money

Today, I’m fortunate to have transitioned to a role in communications, saving for retirement, and paying for my own travels. After unpacking my insecurities with a therapist, I’ve developed a healthier relationship with money. My boyfriend and I now prioritize open conversations about finances, carving out time for monthly “money dates” to achieve our goals.

The Lesson Learned

Looking back, I realize that donating plasma wasn’t the worst mistake – it was thinking I had to do it. I’m grateful to have learned the difference and now recognize the importance of honesty, communication, and self-awareness in managing my finances and relationships.