She Strengthens

The Comfort of Solitude: Unpacking the Fine Line Between Self-Care and Self-Isolation

As a natural introvert, I’ve always been drawn to the comfort of solitude. My earliest memories are of refusing to leave the car at a park, and as a 42-year-old writer working from home, I still find myself gravitating towards the quiet, predictable world within my four walls. But is this predisposition towards alone time healthy, or is it a form of self-sabotage?

Growing Up Alone

I was an only child, a Taurus, and a loner. My first word was “no,” and I’ve always been content with my own company. In college, I developed a habit of skipping classes and treating attendance as a loose suggestion. I’d stay indoors, surrounded by my books and records, and convince myself that I was just being true to myself.

The Illusion of Comfort

But one morning, I woke up to find that I couldn’t even bring myself to check the mail. I was paralyzed by anxiety, and I knew something was wrong. I sought help and was prescribed Paxil, an SSRI marketed towards people with social anxiety. While it helped me overcome my fear, it also led to a host of new problems, including weight gain and a shopping addiction.

The Cycle of Isolation

Fast-forward 20 years, and I’m happily married, owning a house, and living a life that looks successful on the surface. But the truth is, I still spend weeks at a time without leaving the house. I’ve mastered the art of creating excuses to avoid social situations, and I’ve convinced myself that I’m just being true to my introverted nature.

The Anxiety of Social Situations

But the reality is, I’m not just avoiding people; I’m avoiding the anxiety that comes with social interactions. When I do agree to plans, I’m a nervous wreck until the event is over. And yet, when I do push through and attend, I always have fun. I feel better afterward, and I’m left wondering why I put myself through the agony of avoidance in the first place.

The Fine Line Between Self-Care and Self-Isolation

According to Jennine Estes, MFT, “alone time comes from a nurturing place within ourselves, but we also know that we are social creatures — and too much time alone is actually very damaging to our mental health.” It’s a delicate balance, and one that I’ve struggled to maintain.

Breaking Free from Self-Isolation

For me, the key to breaking free from self-isolation is to acknowledge that it’s not just about being an introvert; it’s about being willing to push past my comfort zone. I’ve lost friendships, relationships, and even jobs due to my inability to get out of my own way. It’s taken 42 years for me to realize that only fictional characters can thrive in isolation.

Taking Small Steps Towards Change

Now, when I recognize that I’m going to be stressed out no matter what, I take a deep breath and do the thing anyway. I pay attention to my body and my brain, and I operate from a place of knowing that I’ll never feel comfortable. It’s not easy, but it’s necessary. I may not be able to overcome my anxiety completely, but I can learn to manage it, one small step at a time.