Unpacking the Mysteries of Adulting
As I savored a bite of pain au chocolat, tears welled up in my eyes. It wasn’t the rich flavor that moved me, but the realization that I had finally understood one of my hunger cues. Who knew that hangry feelings could exist without the familiar rumble of an empty stomach? This epiphany sparked a wave of self-doubt: would I ever be equipped to navigate the complexities of adulthood?
Rethinking Adulting
The term “adulting” has become synonymous with responsibility, encompassing tasks like budgeting, laundry, and cooking. But what if you never had a role model to demonstrate these skills? Growing up in an upper-middle-class household in Hong Kong, I had a live-in helper who managed the household chores. My mother taught me basic laundry skills before I left for college, but beyond that, I was on my own. My friends had to intervene, creating a schedule to ensure I ate at least one meal a day.
The Power of Validation
In therapy, I was asked to recall a moment when I felt proud of myself. I drew a blank. When questioned about how I felt when someone validated me, I replied, “Nothing.” As a child, I was expected to perfect everything, and criticism was a constant companion. Validation became a foreign concept, something I didn’t need. But my therapist explained that validation is essential for building confidence. It’s a fluid metric that changes based on experience and familiarity.
Seeking Confidence
We often seek validation from others – friends, coworkers, managers, and even social media strangers – to feel confident in our choices. This need for affirmation isn’t childish; it’s a natural desire to feel supported and motivated. When we receive validation, our anxiety decreases, and we’re more likely to complete tasks with ease. Confidence becomes the ultimate goal, allowing us to focus on growth and self-improvement.
Redefining Adulting
Adulting is more than just completing tasks; it’s about taking care of our inner child. It’s the discovery of what we need to do to become our most confident selves. By expanding our idea of adulting, we can support each other in meaningful ways. When we witness others adulting with authenticity, we should offer validation and encouragement. The next time you catch yourself adulting, don’t hesitate to acknowledge your efforts – you deserve to feel proud.
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