She Strengthens

The Lasting Impact of a Controversial Virginity Lesson

A Shocking Classroom Demonstration

I still remember the day my eighth-grade religion/health teacher taught us about virginity in a way that left a lasting impression. At my co-ed Catholic school in Ohio, she asked a few students to stand in a line and perform a bizarre exercise. Each student was given a small cup of water and instructed to swish it around like they were at the dentist. Confused, they complied. Then, they were asked to spit the water into a larger cup, which was passed down the line. The final product was a cup of mixed backwash. The teacher’s point was clear: just like the cup became increasingly tainted as it was passed around, our bodies would become “dirty” if we didn’t save ourselves for marriage.

The Limited and Damaging View of Virginity

This demonstration, like many discussions about virginity, was rooted in outdated and harmful ideology. It implied that virginity was solely defined by cisgender, heterosexual intercourse, and that our bodies were somehow “impure” if we didn’t conform to these narrow standards. However, for LGBTQIA+ individuals, the concept of virginity is far more complex and multifaceted.

A Patriarchal History

The idea of virginity has been around for thousands of years, originally used to determine a woman’s worth and ownership. It was often linked to Christianity and the veneration of Mary, the mother of Jesus, as a symbol of purity. This patriarchal view of virginity has been used to control and shame women, and its legacy continues to impact our understanding of sexuality and relationships.

The Harmful Practice of Virginity Testing

In some cultures, virginity is still “tested” through painful and traumatizing practices, which the World Health Organization has deemed a violation of human rights. The assumption is that a woman’s virginity can be measured by the presence of her hymen, ignoring the fact that many people’s hymens break long before they have intercourse. This narrow focus on women’s bodies has led to gender discrimination and violence.

Breaking Free from Traditional Definitions

Virginity is a social construct, open to interpretation and change. Many LGBTQIA+ individuals have redefined virginity to reflect their own experiences and identities. For some, it’s about vulnerability and intimacy, while for others, it’s a personal milestone with no inherent value. By reclaiming and redefining virginity, we can break free from the harmful patriarchal ideals that have governed our understanding of sexuality.

Redefining Virginity for Ourselves

Members of LGBTQIA+ communities have offered their own definitions of virginity, ranging from consensual sexual acts to social and religious constructs. These diverse perspectives highlight the importance of recognizing that virginity is a complex and multifaceted concept. By embracing these different views, we can create a more inclusive and empowering understanding of sexuality.

The Power of Personal Experience

Ultimately, virginity is a concept that should be defined by each individual, based on their own experiences and values. By acknowledging the harm caused by traditional definitions, we can work towards a more nuanced and respectful understanding of sexuality. As one queer, cisgender social worker noted, “I wish there wasn’t so much emphasis on this thing socially, so that you don’t feel like, when something like that happens to you, that you missed an opportunity.”