She Strengthens

Unraveling the Mystery of Relationship OCD

The Thin Line Between Love and Obsession

It’s natural to have thoughts about our relationships, but what happens when those thoughts consume us? You might be experiencing relationship OCD (ROCD), a phenomenon where intrusive thoughts and repetitive behaviors centered on relationships take over your life.

What Does ROCD Look Like?

ROCD can manifest in various ways, such as:

• A constant inner dialogue about the relationship, from morning to night
• Fears and questions about the relationship interfering with daily life
• A preoccupation with making the relationship or partner seem perfect

These intrusive thoughts can add stress and anxiety to daily life, making it challenging to enjoy the relationship.

Identifying ROCD in Yourself

According to David Tzall, PsyD, an NYC-based therapist, someone experiencing ROCD spends excessive time ruminating about whether they are in the right situation. They might have intrusive thoughts like:

• Do they really love me?
• Are they enjoying themselves sexually?
• Will they break up with me?

Tzall notes that while it’s natural to think about the people in your life, it’s not usual to spend more time dissecting a relationship than enjoying it.

Triggers of ROCD

Like other mental health issues, ROCD can be caused by various factors, such as:

• Life changes, like a new job or meeting new people
• Feelings of insecurity and anxious reflection

These triggers can spiral into avoidance behaviors, such as avoiding social situations or downtime with your partner.

Managing ROCD Symptoms

There’s no easy fix for ROCD, but it can be unlearned. Here are some strategies to start managing your symptoms:

• Talk openly with your partner: Share your feelings and concerns with your partner to allow them to empathize with your experience.
• Practice mindfulness: Focus on the present moment through activities like journaling, meditation, yoga, and breathing exercises.
• Prioritize self-love: Commit to yourself and your engagement in the world, scheduling time for activities you love.

Seeking Professional Help

Consider therapy to help reframe negative, rigid thoughts. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and exposure and response prevention therapy can be effective in managing ROCD symptoms.

Loving Someone with ROCD

Supporting a partner with ROCD can be challenging, but it’s essential to identify valid anxieties and avoid enabling behaviors. By setting boundaries and encouraging your partner to take responsibility for their own struggles, you can foster a healthier relationship.

Distinguishing Between Real Concerns and ROCD

Not all relationship concerns are ROCD. Tzall suggests considering whether your concerns are based on tangible issues or vague anxiety. Real relationship red flags, such as domestic abuse or controlling behavior, should not be ignored.

Takeaway

ROCD can be isolating and stressful, but acknowledging the problem is the first step towards change. By having open conversations with your partner, practicing mindfulness, and seeking professional help, you can start to unravel the mystery of ROCD and cultivate a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.