She Strengthens

Embracing Your Bisexual Identity: Debunking Common Misconceptions

As a proud and loud bisexual woman, I’ve noticed that many young queer or questioning women reach out to me online, seeking guidance on whether bisexuality is the right label for them. They often ask if their bisexual identity is valid under certain conditions, such as only having dated cis men, being attracted to non-binary individuals, or fantasizing about same-sex experiences without wanting to act on them. My response is always a resounding “yes” – your bisexual identity is valid, no matter what.

The Complexity of Bisexuality

One major obstacle to embracing bisexuality is the misconception that it requires equal attraction to all genders. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Bisexuality is the potential to be attracted to people of more than one sex and/or gender, not necessarily at the same time, in the same way, or to the same degree. It’s essential to recognize that gender isn’t binary, and bisexuality can include attraction to non-binary individuals.

Challenging Internalized Ideas

So, why do we struggle with bisexual identity? Often, it’s because we’ve internalized harmful ideas about sexuality. For instance, we might believe that bisexuality only counts if we experience similar attraction across genders. Or, we might think that we need to have had sex with multiple genders to “prove” our bisexuality. These myths can lead us to doubt our identities and prevent us from embracing our true selves.

The Orientation, Behavior, and Identity Model

A useful tool for understanding sexuality is the Orientation, Behavior, and Identity Model. This model recognizes that our orientation (who we’re attracted to), behavior (who we engage with sexually), and identity (how we label ourselves) don’t have to match. For example, a woman might be attracted to multiple genders, have historically only dated men, and still identify as bisexual. The key takeaway is that these aspects of our sexuality are complex and don’t have to align perfectly.

Debunking Common Myths

There are several myths that can hold us back from embracing our bisexual identities. One common myth is that bisexuality requires sexual experience with multiple genders. However, this is simply not true. You don’t need to have had sex with anyone to know who you’re attracted to. Moreover, sexual fantasy is not inherently indicative of our behavioral desires, but it can be a valuable indicator of our attractions.

Another myth is that bisexuality necessitates biromanticism (romantic attraction to multiple genders). While many bisexual individuals experience biromanticism, it’s not a requirement. Some people may be bisexual and homo- or queer-romantic, while others may be bisexual and aromantic.

Avoiding Biphobic Nonsense

Finally, it’s essential to recognize that the idea that “all women are a little bisexual” can be damaging and undermine our experiences. This myth implies that attraction to women is frivolous or trivial, which can prevent us from taking our feelings seriously. If you’re questioning your bisexuality, remember that it’s a valid identity that deserves recognition and respect.

In conclusion, bisexuality is a complex and multifaceted identity that can look different for everyone. By challenging internalized ideas and debunking common myths, we can embrace our true selves and live more authentically.