The Quarantine Effect: Why We’re Reaching Out to Old Flames
As we navigate the uncharted territory of self-isolation, our minds begin to wander. With an abundance of free time, we find ourselves reminiscing about past relationships and wondering what could have been. The temptation to reconnect with old flames is strong, especially when our current social circle is limited.
A Nostalgic Revival
You start scrolling through your contacts, searching for familiar names. Ah, Rebecca! You hadn’t thought about her in ages, but suddenly, you’re curious about her life. You shoot her a casual text, asking how she’s doing. The gesture feels harmless, but it sparks a larger phenomenon: our exes are reaching out in quarantine. But what drives this behavior?
The Human Need for Connection
As social animals, our survival depends on connection and communication. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs reminds us that after our basic physiological needs are met, we seek safety, love, and belonging. In the face of COVID-19, many people are losing their sense of security, leading them to grasp for love and belonging. This could result in people with more privilege reaching out for connection, while those with less privilege may be seeking it as a means of survival.
The Trauma of Isolation
Isolation is not only unsafe but also traumatic. When we experience crises, our nervous systems perceive extreme danger, and our coping mechanisms can shut down. The pandemic has collectively traumatized us, leaving us terrified and uncertain. Research shows that over 96% of COVID-19 survivors experience post-traumatic stress symptoms. To recover, we need to reestablish safety, and one way to do that is by reconnecting with others.
Before You Reach Out
However, it’s essential to consider your motivations before reaching out to an old flame. Ask yourself:
- What’s driving my desire to reconnect?
- What outcome am I hoping for?
- Is my intention respectful and compassionate, or am I focused solely on my own needs?
- What’s the history of this relationship, and have I caused harm in the past?
- Is this a safe and healthy connection for both parties?
Respect and Empathy
Remember that the person on the other end of your message doesn’t owe you a response. Be prepared for rejection and make it clear that you understand their boundaries. A simple “no need to respond!” can go a long way in reducing pressure. If they’re not interested, respect their decision and don’t push the issue.
Taking Care of Each Other
In these unprecedented times, we need to prioritize empathy and kindness in our communication. We’re not just seeking comfort and safety; we’re also responsible for taking care of each other. So, before you reach out to an old flame, take a moment to reflect on your intentions and ensure that your actions come from a place of respect and compassion.
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