She Strengthens

The Lost Art of Boundary-Setting in Digital Friendships

In the early 2000s, I spent countless hours chatting with friends on AOL Instant Messenger (AIM). It was more than just a platform – it was a hub for socializing, venting, and dreaming about the future. But fast forward to 2020, and my friendships have become scattered and infrequent. What’s changed?

The Rise and Fall of AIM

Founded in 1997, AIM revolutionized instant messaging and social networking. Its popularity peaked in the late 1990s and early 2000s, becoming the go-to app for young people in the US with an internet connection. For someone like me with severe social anxiety, AIM was a lifesaver. It allowed me to connect with others from the comfort of my own home, fostering close digital friendships that eventually translated to in-person relationships.

The Shift to Boundaryless Communication

But as Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, and Twitter rose to prominence, AIM became obsolete. Modern apps offer instant messaging, contact lists, and customized online profiles, but they lack one crucial aspect: boundaries. With AIM, you had to “sign on” to signal availability, and your arrival was announced to your entire buddy list. You could make yourself “invisible” if needed, and conversations happened in real-time.

The Anxiety of Modern Messaging

In contrast, modern technology is boundaryless. You’re always available to receive messages, and conversations can drag on indefinitely. This lack of structure can be overwhelming, especially for those with social anxiety. I miss AIM’s time and space constraints, which made chatting feel like a genuine conversation.

Reclaiming Boundaries in the Digital Age

To revitalize my friendships, I need to set clearer boundaries in modern communication. This means managing my expectations around reply times, assuming friends are offline when messaging, and being intentional about initiating conversations. It’s also essential to seek connections beyond virtual communication, like meeting up for tea or FaceTime dates.

Lessons from AIM

While we can’t bring back AIM, we can learn from its approach to boundary-setting. By implementing similar strategies in modern messaging, we can create healthier, more fulfilling digital friendships. So, take a cue from AIM and start setting boundaries – your friendships will thank you.

A New Hope for Boundary-Inclusive Communication

Google Hangouts, formerly Gchat, offers a glimmer of hope. Like AIM, it allows users to “sign on” and “sign off,” indicating availability for chat. It’s often used by people sitting down at their computers, ready to engage in meaningful conversations. Maybe it’s time to revive the art of boundary-setting in digital friendships – and Google Hangouts could be the key.