She Strengthens

The Dark Side of Public Shaming: How Our Quest for Justice Fosters Secrecy and Division

A haunting image from my childhood social studies textbook still resonates with me today: a medieval scene of pillory and stock, where villagers would jeer and throw food scraps at petty thieves, adulterers, and drunken fools on display. As I reflect on this practice, I realize that our digital landscape has become a modern-day equivalent, where social media platforms serve as a virtual town square for public shaming.

The Illusion of Change Through Shaming

I recall watching a 2018 video of protesters heckling then Homeland Security Secretary Kristjen Nielson at a Mexican restaurant. While I initially felt a surge of righteousness, I later wondered if public shaming truly leads to moral reckoning and change. Vulnerability researcher Brené Brown defines shame as the belief that we are “flawed and therefore unworthy of love or belonging.” However, shame can also be a powerful tool used to enforce societal norms and conformity.

The High Cost of Shame

Psychologist Cecilia Dintino notes that shame can come at a high cost: “Because we want to stay in the group, we either conform to avoid shame, or keep the secrets that may kick us out.” This was evident in a story I heard from an executive client, who, along with her colleague, chose not to speak up about someone not wearing a mask correctly at a farmer’s market due to fear of being ostracized.

The Inefficacy of Shame in Creating Change

According to Dintino, adding shame to a situation can invite defensiveness and polarization, rather than encouraging change. This is particularly evident online, where culture wars rage on and groups with shared interests or identities establish their own standards for shaming. The internet’s response to Gayle King’s interview with Lisa Leslie is a prime example, where public outcry led to King’s defense and subsequent backlash against rapper Snoop Dogg.

The Limits of Shame in Accountability

While some individuals may learn from being called out in a shaming manner, Dr. Elizabeth Olson notes that it’s rare. In fact, studies have shown that shame is not effective in creating accountability or rehabilitation. Instead, it often induces defensiveness and defiance.

Empathy and Curiosity: A Path Forward

So, what are more effective ways to deal with our moral outrage? Olson suggests that people learn more effectively when they understand the benefits of an action, rather than being motivated by shame. As a leadership consultant, I’ve found that feedback that motivates employees to excel steers clear of shame and blame, instead utilizing questions that help workers draw their own conclusions.

Breaking the Cycle of Public Shaming

Stopping the cycle of tearing one another down through public shaming requires prolonged training in managing emotional reactivity, seeing another’s viewpoint, and fighting to connect through genuine curiosity. It demands knowing which fights and opponents are worthy and keeping an eye out for common ground. Only then can we begin to build bridges between different identity groups and foster true understanding and growth.