She Strengthens

The Unsettling Truth About Ghosting: Why We Do It and How to Break the Cycle

Are you guilty of ghosting someone you’ve been seeing? You’re not alone. One in five people have ghosted someone, and one in four have been ghosted. But why do we do it? Is it really just a convenient way to end a relationship, or is there more to it?

The Convenience of Ghosting

Ghosting often seems like an easy way out. We avoid uncomfortable conversations, emotional labor, and the responsibility of being honest with someone about our feelings. But this convenience comes at a cost. When we ghost, we leave the other person wondering what went wrong and why they weren’t even worth a simple breakup text.

The Psychology Behind Ghosting

Research suggests that people with stronger destiny beliefs – those who believe relationships are fated – are more likely to ghost. On the other hand, those with stronger growth beliefs – who believe relationships require intentional work – are more likely to communicate their intentions and avoid ghosting.

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

Breakups follow a behavioral script, and in long-term relationships, this script can be 16 steps long. However, in short-term relationships, we often skip crucial steps, like trying to work things out, and go straight to withdrawal. This leaves the other person feeling confused and hurt.

The Harm of Ghosting

Ghosting hurts people. It perpetuates conflict and leaves the other person with anxiety and self-doubt. The only person who benefits from ghosting is the ghoster themselves. So, what can we do instead?

A New Script for Breakups

We can teach ourselves a new script for breakups that prioritizes kindness, empathy, and responsibility. It’s not about planning a grand, in-person conversation, but rather about taking the time to communicate our intentions and feelings in a simple yet meaningful way. A brief text or message can go a long way in showing respect for the other person’s time and emotions.

Finding a Healthy Balance

It’s possible to be honest and direct about our feelings while still maintaining healthy boundaries. By being intentional about our communication, we can avoid ghosting and create a more empathetic and respectful dating culture. So, the next time you’re considering ghosting, take a step back and ask yourself: “What am I avoiding?” and “How can I communicate my feelings in a way that respects the other person?”