She Strengthens

Unraveling the Enigma of Friendship

I still vividly remember the first time I laid eyes on my former best friend, Kelly. It was during my sophomore year in high school, and she walked into my history class to deliver a note from the front office. With her striking blonde hair, black boots, and flight jacket, she exuded an air of confidence and mystery. Little did I know, she would become an integral part of my life for the next two decades.

A Tale of Two Kellys

As I reflect on our initial encounter, I’m reminded of the stark contrast between our two personas. While I was still figuring out who I was, Kelly embodied a sense of self-assurance and poise. Our paths crossed, and I was drawn to her enigmatic presence. We “dated” briefly, but it was clear that our connection was meant to be a deep and abiding friendship.

The Ebb and Flow of Friendship

Over the years, our bond ebbed and flowed like the tides. We shared moments of laughter, tears, and adventure, but also experienced periods of distance and disconnection. I clung to our friendship, convinced that my devotion and loyalty would sustain us. However, it became apparent that Kelly’s approach to our relationship was vastly different from mine.

A Passive-Active Dynamic

According to Dr. Anna Akbari, there are two types of adult friendships: passive and active. Passive friendships are characterized by a lack of effort from either party, while active friendships involve mutual investment and dedication. In hindsight, I realize that I was the active participant in our friendship, constantly seeking to nurture and strengthen our bond. Kelly, on the other hand, remained passive, content to coexist without exerting much effort.

A Turning Point

The day my mother passed away, Kelly’s response was a stark reminder of her emotional detachment. Her lack of empathy and compassion was a wake-up call, forcing me to reevaluate our friendship. It was then that I realized I had been giving her a pass for years, ignoring her hurtful behavior and making excuses for her indifference.

Breaking Free

Closing the chapter on our friendship was liberating. It allowed me to recognize that I deserved better, that true friendship should be a source of comfort, support, and joy. My marriage has taught me the value of a healthy, active partnership, where both parties prioritize each other’s well-being.

Lessons Learned

In retrospect, those 20 years of friendship with Kelly were not wasted. They served as a training ground, teaching me what to expect from meaningful relationships. I’ve come to understand that love and friendship should uplift, rather than hurt. As I look back, I’m grateful for the lessons learned and the opportunity to forge a new path, one that leads to a more sustainable, loving connection.