She Strengthens

Sleeping Solo: The Surprising Benefits of Separate Bedrooms

A New Era of Sleep Hygiene

In the popular TV show Gilmore Girls, Lorelai’s boyfriend, Digger, surprises her by suggesting they sleep in separate bedrooms on their first night together. While it may seem unusual, many couples are now embracing the idea of sleeping apart – and it’s not just about avoiding snoring or differing work schedules.

The Stigma of Separate Sleeping Fades

Jennifer Adams, author of Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart, knows firsthand the benefits of separate sleeping. When she and her husband moved in together, they realized their sleep habits were incompatible, and his snoring was affecting her rest. Despite initial worries about being judged, Adams soon discovered she wasn’t alone. According to the National Sleep Foundation, nearly one in four couples choose to sleep separately, and The Wall Street Journal reports that one in three homebuyers shopping for luxury homes are looking for dual master bedrooms.

Prioritizing Sleep Health

Dr. Judette Louis, co-author of Women & Sleep, emphasizes the importance of sleep hygiene. “It’s time we began thinking of sleep as a necessity, not a luxury,” she says. Couples who sleep separately often do so because of differing nighttime routines, incompatible sleep schedules, or simply preferring to go to bed early. By acknowledging these differences, couples can focus on improving their overall sleep health.

The Consequences of Poor Sleep

A recent study from the Center for Disease Control found that 35% of American adults were sleeping less than seven hours a night, which has been linked to health problems like diabetes, hypertension, and mental health issues like anxiety and depression. By prioritizing sleep, couples can live longer, happier lives together.

Women and Sleep Disturbances

Women are more prone to sleep disturbances than men, often due to shouldering more household responsibilities. Dr. Louis notes that women need an hour or two more sleep than men, but often get less. This makes disturbances throughout the night even more serious. Separate sleeping can provide women with the rest they need to function at their best.

Honesty and Happiness

Couples who can be honest about their sleep needs are generally happier. By acknowledging their individual sleep requirements, couples can work together to find a solution that suits both parties. According to Shadeen Francis, MFT, a marriage and family therapist, the separate sleeping conversation is difficult because it can be perceived as rejection. However, sacrificing sleep for the sake of staying in the same bed can ultimately hurt the relationship more than it helps.

Negotiating Sleep Arrangements

Francis suggests approaching separate sleeping as a negotiation, where both partners work together to find a solution that prioritizes their collective well-being. This might mean permanent separate sleeping or a flexible arrangement that suits both parties. Ultimately, monitoring sleep health and addressing any underlying sleep issues is crucial for a happy and healthy relationship.