The Art of Shelving: When Dating Excuses Get Out of Hand

The Non-Letdown Letdown

I’ve encountered a disturbing trend in the dating world: shelving. It’s when someone charms you online, only to disappear when it’s time to meet in person, citing “work obligations” as the reason.

This phenomenon left me feeling confused and frustrated, wondering if I’d done something wrong. But as I dug deeper, I realized that shelving is more than just a convenient excuse.

A Euphemism for Disinterest?

Shelving is a way to keep someone on the back burner while pretending to be interested. It’s breadcrumbing, but with a twist: the person uses their “ambitious” schedule as a way to string you along.

The Many Faces of Shelving

According to relationship therapists, there are several reasons why people engage in shelving behavior. Some may be:

• bored and looking for a cure
• genuinely busy with work or personal projects
• a sign of disinterest in commitment or a fear of taking things to the next level

Why Shelving Hurts

Shelving can be damaging to our self-esteem and emotional well-being. It leaves us feeling:

• uncertain
• anxious
• disappointed

It’s essential to recognize the signs of shelving and take action to protect ourselves.

What to Do If You’re Being Shelved

If you suspect someone is shelving you, don’t hesitate to:

1. ask direct questions
2. clarify their intentions and expectations
3. be honest about your own needs

Remember, in a healthy relationship, both parties communicate openly and honestly.

Taking Back Control

As someone who’s been shelved before, I know how frustrating it can be. But I’ve learned to take back control by:

• setting boundaries
• prioritizing my own emotional well-being

The next time I’m shelved, I’ll be ready to let that relationship go, knowing that I deserve better.

The Bottom Line

Shelving may be a convenient excuse, but it’s not an acceptable way to treat others. Let’s call out this behavior for what it is: a lack of respect and communication. By recognizing the signs of shelving and taking action, we can create healthier, more fulfilling relationships.