She Strengthens

The Digital Dating Revolution: A Shift in Mindset

In the past decade, the world of dating has undergone a significant transformation, largely driven by the rise of dating apps. What was once a stigmatized platform has become the norm, with a staggering 22% of people aged 18-24 using dating apps in 2016, up from just 5% in 2013.

From Swipe to Reality

As someone who has met all their long-term relationships, hookups, and summer flings through dating apps, I’ve experienced my fair share of disappointments. However, I’ve learned that the key to success lies not in the app itself, but in our mindset. Allowing ourselves to coast through the process because we’re online is a recipe for disaster.

The Incognito Self-Saboteur

Growing up in a conservative, wealthy, and predominantly white town, I struggled with insecurity and never felt truly desirable until online dating entered my life. I thought a carefully crafted online persona would guarantee me a soulmate. But I soon realized that I was viewing dating apps as a magic solution rather than a tool to connect with people.

Rethinking Expectations

Dr. Jess Carbino, a relationship expert and sociologist, notes that online dating is simply a mechanism to connect with others. We need to be mindful of what we want from a relationship and take control of our own destiny. I didn’t realize that these apps didn’t change me or my skewed expectations; they merely expanded my reach.

Learning from Mistakes

Through trial and error, I learned that using dating apps as a scapegoat for my romantic failures was not the answer. I had to confront my own issues, such as my penchant for emotionally unavailable partners and my habit of sabotaging promising relationships. I wasn’t ready for a relationship, and I was pursuing an unrealistic vision of what I wanted.

Taking Control

Dr. Carbino emphasizes that the key to a successful dating app experience is identifying what we want and taking charge of our own relationships. We must be intensely honest about our desires and needs. Do we truly want a relationship, or are we chasing an idealized vision?

The Hard Work of Dating

Knowing exactly where we stand in a potential relationship is the most important part of the process. It requires introspection and hard work, but it’s worth it. By taking accountability for our own role in what’s happening, we can turn dating apps into a powerful tool for connection and growth.

A New Approach

Today, I approach dating with a fresh perspective. I’m no longer swiping for hours, wondering what’s wrong with me, or trying to fix someone else to meet my expectations. Instead, I’m having fun, expanding my social circle, and preparing myself for a successful relationship when the time is right. With the right mindset, a dating app can be a powerful tool, but it’s up to us to do the hard work and take control of our own relationships.