She Strengthens

Breaking Free from Toxic Parents: A Difficult but Necessary Step

When it comes to cutting ties with a family member, it’s never an easy decision. But what if that family member is a parent? The thought of “divorcing” a parent can be overwhelming, especially when society emphasizes the importance of family bonds. However, sometimes setting boundaries or limiting contact with a toxic parent is the best option for your mental and emotional well-being.

The Reality of Toxic Parents

We often assume that all parents are good parents, but unfortunately, that’s not always the case. According to Anna Cordova, a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner, “it’s totally healthy and appropriate for individuals to set boundaries with family members.” Sometimes, having a toxic parent in your life can be more damaging than not having them in your life at all.

Toxic Mothers: The Unspoken Taboo

There’s a stigma surrounding maternal estrangement, with society often viewing it as more acceptable for fathers to be absent or abusive. However, people of all genders have the capacity to be nurturing and supportive, or abusive and destructive. It’s essential to recognize that toxic parents come in all forms and that setting boundaries is necessary, regardless of gender.

Preparing to Let Go

If you’re considering distancing yourself from a toxic parent, it’s crucial to prepare yourself emotionally and mentally. Here are some steps to take:

• Practice Self-Care: Dealing with a toxic parent can be traumatic. Engage in self-care activities like therapy, yoga, meditation, and journaling to maintain your mental and emotional well-being.
• Seek Support: Reach out to impartial professionals, support groups, or online resources to help you navigate this difficult decision.
• Explore Your Options: Reflect on whether there’s a way to maintain a relationship with your parent while still protecting your well-being.
• Clarify Your Intentions: Ensure that your decision is not driven by spite or a desire for reaction, but rather a need to set boundaries for your own growth.

Having the Hard Conversation

When it’s time to talk to your family about your decision, remember:

• Refrain from Name-Calling: Avoid labeling or diagnosing your parent’s behavior, as this can escalate the situation.
• Let Go of the Need for Understanding: Your parent may not understand or respect your decision, and that’s okay. You don’t need their approval to set boundaries.

The Healing Process

After setting boundaries or distancing yourself from a toxic parent, the work isn’t done. Here’s how to continue the healing process:

• Embrace Uncertainty: Release attachment to the outcome and focus on your own growth and well-being.
• Allow Siblings to Process: Respect your siblings’ individual dynamics with your parent and offer support without pressure.
• Accept That Others May Not Understand: You don’t need to justify your decision to anyone else. Focus on building healthy relationships with others.
• Create Healthy Relationships: Cultivate positive relationships with others, whether it’s through friends, mentors, or community groups.

The Bottom Line

Sometimes, the situation with toxic parents can be resolved through therapy and dialogue. However, in some cases, setting boundaries or distancing yourself is the only way to maintain your mental and emotional health. Remember, you have the power to take control of your life and make decisions that prioritize your well-being.