She Strengthens

Surviving the Pandemic with an Eating Disorder

As the world grapples with the COVID-19 pandemic, I’m forced to confront a harsh reality: my eating disorder, which I thought I had under control, is resurfacing.

Food Obsession Takes Over

In the early days of the pandemic, everyone around me seemed to find solace in food. Social media feeds were flooded with recipes, cooking tutorials, and mouthwatering images. Even celebrities joined in, sharing their favorite cooking playlists and announcing new cooking shows. It was as if food had become the universal language of comfort.

But Food Isn’t So Simple for Me

I was diagnosed with Other Specified Feeding or Eating Disorder (OSFED) at 16, and I’ve been in recovery for over two years now. Before the pandemic, I had learned to maintain a balanced relationship with food, prioritizing my work, friendships, and family over meal times. But with the sudden shift to self-isolation and online recipes, my daily routine began to revolve around cooking and consuming.

Eating Disorders on the Rise

According to BEAT, the UK’s leading eating disorder charity, helpline calls have increased by 50%, and social media contacts have risen by 78%. The pandemic has triggered a surge in eating disorders, intensifying feelings of depression and anxiety.

The Complexity of Eating Disorders

Eating disorders affect an estimated 30 million people in the United States alone, and they manifest in many ways, from refusal to eat to bingeing and purging. For me, it was an endless mental calculation of caloric values, accompanied by body dysmorphia, depression, and anxiety.

Finding Support in the Dark

One day, I stumbled upon an online support group on Instagram, where people struggling with eating disorders could share their struggles and connect with others. The founder, Diane, highlighted the dangers of pervasive diet culture and fatphobia during this vulnerable time.

Grounding Myself in Uncertain Times

Recovering from an eating disorder isn’t just about eating three balanced meals a day; it’s an ongoing mental struggle. Here are some strategies that have helped me:

• Validating my struggle: Allowing myself to acknowledge and accept my struggles, rather than blaming myself.
• Asking for help from loved ones: Talking to family and friends about my struggles, and asking them to avoid triggering conversations about food.
• Working with a professional: My therapist has been a tremendous help, and journaling has allowed me to plan out my day and shift my focus away from food.
• Surrendering to uncertainty: Recognizing that my recovery may take a hit during this time, and being kind to myself as I take small steps towards healing.

In these uncertain times, it’s essential to prioritize self-love and care. By acknowledging our struggles and seeking support, we can navigate the challenges of living with an eating disorder during the pandemic.