She Strengthens

Embracing a Healthier Me

I’ve never been what you’d call a slender person. My thighs are thick, my midsection is soft, and I’ve got a double chin. Even when I was at my lightest, in high school, I still had a bit of extra padding around my lower belly. It drove me crazy, wondering why I couldn’t have the same body as everyone else.

The Weight of Self-Doubt

As a result, I thought guys would never be interested in me because of my appearance. And, unfortunately, I was right. I was often told I was “friend material,” not “dating material.” The constant criticism from others, including a dance teacher who said I was too heavy to be a ballerina, and judgmental family members who would comment on my weight, took a toll on my self-esteem. Those hurtful remarks carved out a space in my brain, making me believe that my worth was tied to my appearance.

An Unhealthy Obsession

After high school, I focused on my studies and didn’t worry too much about my weight. I developed a good workout routine and maintained a healthy weight. But whenever my friends would visit, I’d revert back to feeling like the “fat, funny friend.” I loved my personality, but I desperately wanted someone to compliment me on my looks, just once or twice. That’s how much I had invested in my physical appearance – it wasn’t about health; it was about vanity.

A Turning Point

By the end of college, I had started dating my current boyfriend, and my workouts fell by the wayside. I gained “relationship weight” from late-night snacks and frequent restaurant trips. I realized too late that I had gone up two pant sizes and began feeling self-conscious. I’d get frustrated and fed up when my gym efforts didn’t yield results. I’d deprive myself of certain foods, only to see no change in my waistline. It was exhausting.

Breaking Free

I finally reached a breaking point. I stopped caring about my appearance and gave up on my workouts. I was tired of being controlled by my weight. Then, with my 30th birthday looming, I realized I wanted to make a change. I wanted to enter the next decade of my life with better intentions, better energy, and a healthier body.

A New Perspective

I started meal prepping again, focusing on veggies, lean meats, and healthy snacks. I increased my physical activity, taking the long way at work to get more steps in. I even repurchased BeachBody, hoping to find a program that would help me achieve my goals. But then the holidays came, and I let my healthy habits slide. I stopped working out and indulged in delicious treats. And I felt terrible.

A Healthier Mindset

It wasn’t until I realized that I hadn’t taken care of myself in weeks that I understood the root of my misery. I wasn’t feeling terrible because of my weight; I was feeling terrible because I had stopped taking care of my health. That’s when it clicked: I needed to stop seeing my journey as a weight loss quest and start seeing it as a health journey. It wasn’t about vanity; it was about making better choices for my overall well-being.

A Newfound Confidence

Now, I approach my meal prep and workouts with a new mindset. I’m giving my body what it needs to stay strong, not trying to fit into a certain mold. I choose exercises that are enjoyable and challenging, but not punishing. I remember that everyone’s body is different, and that’s okay. I focus on how great I feel after a workout, and how well I’ll sleep afterwards. By shifting my perspective, I’ve gained a newfound confidence and a healthier mindset. I may not look like Blake Lively on the red carpet, but I’m working towards a healthier, happier me.