She Strengthens

The Hidden Dangers of Emotional Cheating

Emotional cheating can be just as devastating as physical infidelity, yet it’s often harder to detect. Learn how to recognize the signs, establish healthy boundaries, and address emotional cheating in your relationship.

Rethinking Infidelity

We often associate cheating with physical acts, but the American Psychological Association defines infidelity as any situation where someone in a committed partnership becomes emotionally or sexually involved with someone else. Emotional cheating can be particularly insidious because it involves crossing invisible lines, blurring the boundaries between friendship and flirtation.

What is Emotional Cheating?

Emotional cheating is an affair of the heart and mind, where one partner feels a deeper emotional bond with someone outside the relationship than with their partner. This can lead to secretive behavior, intimate conversations, and a sense of connection that excludes the primary partner.

Signs of Emotional Cheating

Emotional infidelity can manifest in subtle ways, making it challenging to identify. Some signs include:

• Feeling closer to the other person than your partner
• Experiencing an urge to keep the relationship a secret
• Divulging intimate thoughts and feelings to someone other than your partner

Internal Signs of Emotional Cheating

Emotional cheating often begins in the mind, making it difficult to detect. Some internal signs include:

• Spending more time thinking about the other person than your partner
• Experiencing sexual chemistry with the other person
• Feeling less attracted to your partner than usual
• Comparing your partner to the other person in your mind
• Defending the other person if they come up in conversations with your partner

External Signs of Emotional Cheating

While emotional affairs might be invisible to the outside world, some external signs include:

• Venting to the other person about your partner
• Deleting or hiding texts and messages from a specific person
• Expressing anger or frustration when interrupted or pulled away from phone or online chats
• Pulling away from your partner physically for no apparent reason
• Being deliberately vague about the nature, reason, or amount of time spent with another person
• Behaving defensively in a strange and unprovoked way

Emotional Cheating on Social Media

A significant study revealed that 5-12% of married or cohabiting individuals engage in infidelity-related behaviors on social media. This can involve hiding DMs or texts from their partner, preferring to share deep feelings with someone online, or assuming their partner would be upset if they saw recent chats or comments.

Spotting the Difference: Emotional Cheating vs. Friendship

The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy outlines three features that distinguish emotional affairs from platonic friendships:

• Deeper emotional intimacy with the other person than the long-term partner
• Secrecy and deception in certain aspects of the relationship
• Sexual chemistry (whether acted on or not)

Broken Trust: The Key to Identifying Emotional Cheating

The primary difference between an intimate friendship and emotional cheating is broken trust. If you’ve breached the boundaries you and your partner have established, it’s likely an emotional affair.

Safety First

If you’re opening up to someone because your partner makes you feel unsafe, it’s not cheating. Similarly, spending time with a friend despite your partner’s requests to devote all your time to them is not cheating. If you believe your safety is at risk, consider seeking help from a domestic abuse hotline.

What to Do If You Suspect Emotional Cheating

If you suspect emotional cheating, it’s essential to have an open and honest conversation with your partner. Use “I” statements, focus on specific behaviors you’ve noticed, explore boundaries, and listen to your partner’s perspective.

Moving Forward

The outcome of your conversation will depend on you and your partner. Possible scenarios include an apology leading to a renewed commitment, attending couple’s therapy, taking a break to reevaluate the relationship, or breaking up. Remember, healthy relationships ultimately bring more happiness than stress. Communication is key to moving forward.