She Strengthens

Unlocking the Secrets of My Family’s Past

As I reflect on my grandmother’s words, I’m struck by the profound impact they had on our relationship. “Things are really strange now,” she said, comparing Nigeria today to her childhood. This simple statement sparked a journey of discovery, one that transformed the way I understand myself and my heritage.

A Reality Check

During the coronavirus pandemic, I found solace in watching reality TV shows like “Iyanla Vanzant: Fix My Life.” But as I binge-watched episode after episode, I realized something shocking: I knew almost nothing about my own family history. As a first-generation American, my parents’ stories were inaccessible, locked away in a different country and language.

The Barriers to Connection

My grandmother lives in Nigeria, and our communication is limited to occasional phone calls. With a six-hour time difference and a language barrier, our conversations feel rushed and clinical. I’ve always felt guilty about not knowing more about my family’s past, relying instead on stereotypes and assumptions.

Fear of the Unknown

I was afraid to learn the truth about my family’s history, fearing it would be heavy with sadness and trauma. But the pandemic forced me to confront my privilege of nonaction. As people around me lost loved ones, I realized I had a chance to connect with my grandmother, to learn from her and understand myself better.

Breaking Down Barriers

With my dad as a translator, I finally called my grandmother, nervous but determined. I asked her questions about her life, not just about Nigeria or my family. Over 30 minutes, she shared stories of her rural upbringing, her adoption, and her marriage. She spoke of her strength and resilience, of being a farmer and a matriarch.

A Gift of Connection

Through our conversation, I challenged my own stereotypes and gained a deeper understanding of my heritage. I saw the value of connecting with my grandmother, a woman of impossible strength. In a time of isolation and uncertainty, our conversation lifted me in ways I couldn’t have imagined. I realized that my family’s history is a gift, one that can help me understand myself and my place in the world.