The Elusive Nature of Friendship
Defining friendship has never been an easy task. From the age of social media to the early days of American history, the concept of friendship has remained murky. Valerie Hill and Tennille Nicole Allen, authors of “Hanging Out: The Psychology of Socializing,” emphasize the importance of friendships in providing basic needs like contact, communication, and community. In fact, they highlight that developing and maintaining healthy bonds not only boosts our psychological well-being but also leads to a longer life.
Aristotle’s Quest for Clarity
Over 2,000 years ago, Aristotle grappled with the ambiguity of friendship. He acknowledged that people cannot be friends until they have been found lovable and trusted by each other. But what makes someone lovable and trustworthy? Is it the person you can share a wild night with? Or is it the childhood friend who was kind when others were cruel?
The Politics of Friendship
In today’s digital age, the lines between friendship and politics have become increasingly blurred. A recent tweet about losing friends over politics went viral, sparking a heated debate about the role of morals in friendships. When we discover that a friend holds fundamentally different political views, does it carry the same weight as discovering they dye their hair? For many, the answer is a resounding yes.
Loyalty vs. Intimacy
According to Tennille Nicole Allen, professor and department chair of sociology at Lewis University, our language around friendship is often imprecise. We use the term loosely, failing to capture the depth and intimacy that true friendships require. Some argue that loyalty is essential in friendships, but at what cost? When loyalty obscures the intimacy and vulnerability required for meaningful connections, is it worth the sacrifice?
The Heart of Friendship
Ultimately, to deem someone a trusted friend, we must be willing to be vulnerable. This vulnerability can be difficult to achieve, but it lies at the heart of deep and meaningful friendships. Not every friend needs to be our best friend, but if we’re actively hiding parts of ourselves to maintain a friendship, can we truly call them a friend?
Internal Work
Choosing who to love and trust is a personal decision that requires internal reflection. We get to decide what criteria matter most to us, whether it’s politics, morals, or something else entirely. When we feel safe and seen in a friendship, that’s where true connection lives.
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