She Strengthens

The Truth About Faking Orgasms: Why It’s More Common Than You Think

Are you guilty of faking orgasms in bed? You’re not alone. Many people, regardless of gender, have been known to pretend to reach climax for various reasons. In fact, a 2009 study found that both men and women reported faking orgasms, with women being more likely to do so.

Why Do People Fake Orgasms?

There are several reasons why people might fake an orgasm. For some, it’s about avoiding emotional labor. Jessica, 38, recalls a time when she faked an orgasm because she didn’t want to educate her partner on what might have been more pleasurable for her. “It felt like he was a pig rooting around for truffles, and I just wanted to go to bed,” she says.

For others, it’s about protecting their partner’s ego. Lindsey, 33, says she used to fake orgasms because she was afraid of hurting her partner’s feelings. “Faking was a way to mask my fear and protect his ego,” she explains.

Societal Pressures and Lack of Value on Pleasure

Lauren, 28, believes that societal pressures and a lack of value placed on female pleasure also contribute to the prevalence of faking orgasms. “I used to fake orgasms all the time because I felt like I had to make the man I was with feel like he’d done a good job,” she says. “The men I was with weren’t interested in putting in the effort to make it happen or ask what I wanted or needed.”

Breaking Free from the Cycle

So, how can you stop faking orgasms and start enjoying real pleasure? According to sexual health experts, it’s all about taking the time to understand your own body and desires. “Taking time to enjoy pleasure in your body by yourself can be foundational for more easily reaching orgasm with a partner,” says Antonia Hall, a transpersonal psychologist and sexual health educator.

Tips for Real Orgasms

• Get to know what gets you off, so you can encourage your partner to mimic your moves.
• Use positive tones to guide your partner’s way.
• Don’t be afraid to incorporate self-touch into your partner sex.
• Take the focus off the end goal and refocus on pleasurable sensations.

What to Do If You Think Your Partner Is Faking It

If you suspect that your partner is faking orgasms, don’t take it personally. Instead, try to have an open and honest conversation about pleasure and desires. “Rather than asking your partner if they are faking orgasms, which may trigger mutual feelings of shame or embarrassment,” Hall suggests, “you might want to keep the focus on pleasure and what they like and need in the bedroom.”

Remember, great sex is all about communication, honesty, and a willingness to learn and grow together. So, let’s ditch the fake orgasms and start enjoying real pleasure!