She Strengthens

Rethinking Connections: The Power of Relationship Anarchy

As I prepared to order a 3-month flower subscription for my friend’s birthday, I realized that gift-giving is a powerful way to show love and care for others. But why do we often reserve this level of thoughtfulness for romantic partners, while our friends and other relationships receive less attention? This got me thinking about the concept of relationship anarchy, a philosophy that challenges traditional societal norms and hierarchies in relationships.

The Hierarchy of Relationships

In today’s society, we’re socialized to believe that family comes first, followed by romantic partners, and then friends. This hierarchy is reinforced by cultural norms, political systems, and even our own internalized beliefs. But what if we questioned this structure and prioritized our relationships based on mutual respect, trust, and value?

Breaking Free from Societal Expectations

Relationship anarchy is about rejecting these predetermined rules and creating more equality across all relationships. It’s about recognizing that every connection that helps us grow and become more authentic deserves parallel levels of care and commitment. By doing so, we can break free from the constraints of societal expectations and forge deeper, more meaningful connections with others.

Core Values of Relationship Anarchy

According to Katie Heaney at The Cut, relationship anarchists share several core values, including:

• Non-hierarchical relationships, where all connections hold equal value
• Descriptionist relationships, where there are no built-in prescriptions for what a relationship must look like
• Non-monogamous relationships, where romantic and sexual connections can exist outside traditional norms
• Platonic intimacy, where friendships and other relationships are valued equally

Practicing Relationship Anarchy

So, how can we start to dissolve relationship hierarchies and adopt a more anarchist approach? Here are some steps to consider:

1. Recognize Your People: Identify the connections that are most important to you and want to deepen. Ask yourself, “Who do I want to invest in?”
2. Define Your Bucket: Imagine your relationship as a bucket that you can put things into (and take things out of). What do you want your bucket to contain? What do you want to relieve your bucket of?
3. Reallocate Your Resources: Revisit what you have to offer and redistribute those resources based on the needs of each relationship. Who needs daily text communication, monthly FaceTime check-ins, or emotional support?

A Daily Practice

Relationship anarchy is a daily practice that requires radical honesty, creativity, and a willingness to reassess and adapt. By embracing this philosophy, we can cultivate deeper, more authentic connections with others and ourselves.

As I reflect on the upcoming holiday season, I’m grateful for the opportunity to spread joy and validation to others through thoughtful gifts and gestures. And I’m thankful for discovering relationship anarchy, which invites me to invest in others in ways that align with my values.