She Strengthens

The True Cost of Kindness

As we celebrate World Kindness Day on November 13th, let’s take a closer look at what it means to be truly kind. Author and speaker Houston Kraft, founder of CharacterStrong, shares his insights on the often-misunderstood concept of kindness.

Kindness Isn’t Free

Kraft emphasizes that kindness is not just a feeling or an action, but a choice that requires effort, empathy, and discipline. “One of the most dangerous narratives we have in our culture currently is this idea that kindness is free.” In reality, kindness costs us time, energy, and comfort. It demands that we listen, observe, and understand the needs of others.

Empathy: The Foundation of Kindness

Deep kindness is about meeting people’s needs, which requires empathy. Empathy is not just feeling sorry for someone; it’s about sharing, thinking, and caring. According to Jamil Zaki, PhD, empathy involves understanding what someone is feeling, imagining oneself in their experience, and taking compassionate action.

Building Empathy

To develop our empathy muscle, we need to create micro habits in our brains. By pre-declaring the kind of person we’ll be in different situations, we increase the likelihood of taking kind actions. For example, we can decide to offer food to someone experiencing homelessness or send a private message to someone who seems struggling.

Putting Kindness into Practice

To make kindness a genuine part of our daily lives, we need to prioritize it. Kraft suggests writing a daily “to-be” list alongside our to-do list, focusing on who we want to show kindness to and what they need. By addressing someone’s specific needs, we can make our kindness truly meaningful.

Avoiding the Pitfalls of Kindness

When trying to help others, we often forget that asking “How can I help?” puts the burden on the person suffering. Instead, we can offer specific choices, such as providing a meal or helping with errands, to reduce their responsibility. This way, we can show kindness without overwhelming them.

Kindness as a Practice

Kraft emphasizes that kindness is not just a concept, but a practice that requires ongoing effort and discipline. We need to earn ourselves into being kind, just like we would develop any other skill. And the beauty of kindness lies in its continuous growth – we will always be becoming kinder people.