She Strengthens

Navigating the Ups and Downs of Love: Why Healthy Communication is Key

Relationships are a journey, not a destination. Like our favorite on-screen couples, real-life partnerships can be fraught with disagreements and frustrations. However, there’s a fine line between normal conflicts and toxic behaviors that can damage our mental health and relationships. The Four Horsemen of Relationships – criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling – can be particularly destructive if left unchecked.

The Impact of Negative Behaviors

Dr. Rachel M Allan, a chartered counselling psychologist, explains that repeated incidents of negative behaviors can erode our sense of self and confidence over time. “It’s the small and repeated interactions that really create the quality of relationships and the connections we have with one another,” she notes.

Taming the Four Horsemen

Criticism: The Power of “I”

When criticism becomes a regular occurrence, it can lead to feelings of worthlessness. To address this, use a soft, non-aggressive tone and phrase your remarks using “I” instead of “you.” This helps to emphasize how you’re feeling and avoid blame. If you’re the one criticizing, try reframing your comments to focus on specific actions rather than personal traits.

Contempt: Finding Balance and Respect

A positive connection requires healthy balance and respect. When one partner considers themselves superior, the scales tip out of whack. To counter contempt, recognize the imbalance and focus on the positives in your partnership. Lead by example and encourage your partner to do the same.

Defensiveness: The Art of Active Listening

Defensiveness can become problematic if you react to feedback without considering its validity. Be open to listening and consider your partner’s perspective. If your partner is defensive, check your tone and approach the conversation with empathy.

Stonewalling: Breaking the Silence

Stonewalling can be hurtful and unproductive. If your partner is giving you the silent treatment, take a step back and revisit the conversation when they’re more receptive. If you’re the one stonewalling, consider what you hope to achieve and the impact it has on your partner.

Healthy Communication is Key

Ultimately, relationships require effort and communication from both partners. It’s essential to acknowledge your personal boundaries and prioritize your own well-being. Remember, relationships should be supportive, happy, and loving. Don’t be afraid to advocate for what you want and deserve from your partner.