She Strengthens

Breaking Free from the Need for Control

Do you find yourself constantly trying to micromanage every aspect of your life, from work projects to social gatherings? Do you get anxious when things don’t go according to plan, and feel the urge to criticize others or dictate what they should do? You’re not alone. Many of us struggle with controlling tendencies, which can stem from a deep-seated need for security and order in a chaotic world.

Recognizing the Signs of Excessive Control

Experts identify several key signs that indicate when control becomes a concern:

• Feeling overwhelmed by stress and anxiety when delegating tasks or sharing work
• Frequently criticizing or nitpicking others’ achievements
• Becoming defensive or hostile when questioned or challenged
• Expecting most of the credit for a project or achievement

Understanding the Roots of Control

California-based psychotherapist Alyssa Mass explains that controlling behaviors may be a symptom of a larger issue. “In therapy, we explore why someone needs to be in control, which often stems from a sense of vulnerability and a fight-or-flight response.” This response can be triggered by past experiences, leading individuals to grasp for control as a way to cope with stress and uncertainty.

Letting Go of Control: 11 Strategies for a Healthier Approach

To break free from the need for control, try these expert-approved strategies:

• Ground yourself: Stand firmly on both feet, notice your surroundings, and focus on the present moment.
• Create relaxed structure: Find small areas of control within your day, such as cooking or cleaning, to balance out feelings of chaos.
• Differentiate between need and want: Be honest with yourself about what you truly need versus what you simply desire.
• Make lists and prioritize: Break down tasks into manageable chunks, and delegate when possible.
• Seek support: Surround yourself with people who encourage growth and collaboration.

The Consequences of Overcontrol

Excessive control can have far-reaching negative effects on your health and relationships, including:

• Lack of sleep due to racing thoughts
• Anxiety, depression, or loneliness
• Difficulty forming deep, trusting relationships
• Surface-level or transactional connections

Reclaiming Balance and Freedom

By recognizing the signs of excessive control and addressing the underlying needs, you can start to let go of the need for control and cultivate a more balanced, collaborative approach to life. Remember, small steps lead to big changes, and seeking support from professionals and loved ones can be a powerful catalyst for growth.

Compassion and Self-Awareness: The Keys to Transformation

Labeling yourself or others as “control freaks” can be trivializing and unhelpful. Instead, focus on recognizing the thought habits that drive controlling behaviors, and practice self-compassion as you work to change them. As life coach and holistic nurse practitioner Victoria Albina notes, “Healing starts with recognizing the need for control, and then giving yourself love and reminding yourself that the only thing you can control is yourself and your own thoughts.”