She Strengthens

Rebuilding Trust: Navigating Relationships After Trauma

Laying the Foundation

When it comes to forming healthy relationships, it’s essential to recognize that they don’t magically appear overnight. Rather, they’re built on a foundation of trust, communication, and mutual respect – much like constructing a road. For those who have experienced abusive relationships, the idea of getting intimate again can be daunting. It’s natural to wonder if someone new will repeat the same hurtful patterns as the last person.

The Impact of Past Relationships on Boundaries

Relearning how to build relationships with healthy communication and boundaries requires introspection and self-reflection. It’s crucial to acknowledge how past relationships have shaped or warped our boundaries. According to Dr. Laura McGuire, a sexologist and relationship consultant, understanding what a healthy disagreement or conflict looks and feels like is vital in rebuilding good communication habits. This involves exploring healthy conflict resolution strategies and identifying where we may be projecting past hurt.

Rebuilding Self-Trust

Before entering a new relationship, it’s essential to focus on rebuilding the relationship you have with yourself. This means creating a list of red flags and green flags based on past relationships and using communication tools like Imago or Decolonizing Non-Violent Communication as guides. Take the time to process what has happened, do your internal work, and figure out what you want and need from a relationship.

Communicating Boundaries and Needs

Sharing your boundaries and what makes you feel secure in relationships is crucial. If a new partner dismisses your boundaries or says you’re asking for too much, it may be a sign that they’re not a good fit for you. Seek out people who are willing to communicate clearly, discuss and negotiate on both of your needs, and affirm your feelings.

Speaking Up and Setting Boundaries

In a healthy relationship, there’s always room to talk about what feels bad to you. Your partner should want to work on any behavior that has hurt you, take responsibility for it, and change. Set up regular check-ins to talk about the relationship, and prioritize using neutral language to avoid blame. Having a support system outside of your partner can also provide a more objective perspective and help you stay grounded.

Ongoing Work and Growth

Being in a healthy relationship doesn’t mean the work stops. It’s essential to recognize that creating a healthy relationship requires ongoing effort and commitment from both parties. It’s not just about working through your own traumas or your partner’s; it’s about building something good together. Remember, starting over can be scary, but creating trust together as a team is the best way to build any relationship.

Seeking Help and Support

If you or someone you love is experiencing abuse, there are resources available to help. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is just a call away (1-800-799-7233 or TTY 1-800-787-3224). Find more support groups and resources online.