She Strengthens

The Power of a Simple Question

At a family wedding, I had an unforgettable encounter with my sister-in-law’s mother-in-law. She approached me with an intense gaze, grasped my hands, and exclaimed, “You have such a warm aura.” It was a peculiar yet kind gesture that has stuck with me over the years. Recently, a viral meme on Twitter brought back memories of that encounter, sparking a thought-provoking discussion about the age-old question: “How are you?”

Beyond the Surface

Artist Keeley Shaw, who calls herself a Self-Awareness Advocate, created an illustration-turned-meme suggesting alternative responses to the question. Shaw admits that “how are you?” can be overwhelming, especially when we’re unsure of the answer or feel like we’re being asked to reveal too much. Her proposed alternatives, such as “What lies do you find yourself believing?” or “How can I support you?”, aim to encourage deeper connections and vulnerability. While her intentions are noble, some people argue that these questions might be too invasive or awkward, especially when asked by strangers.

The New Orleans Effect

In New Orleans, locals greet each other with “How’s it going?” or “You good?” These questions often serve as a way to acknowledge someone’s presence without expecting a lengthy response. This got me thinking: maybe we’re supposed to leave some things unsaid when asked “how are you?” After all, there’s a difference between “how are you?” as a genuine inquiry and as a mere pleasantry.

Context Matters

Therapist and mental health justice activist Melody Li sheds light on the importance of context when asking “how are you?” In times of crisis, the question can feel empty or insincere. However, when asked with genuine concern and emphasis, it can be a powerful tool for connection. Li suggests that the way we ask the question – whether in person, via text, or over the phone – affects the response we receive. She also provides three tips for answering “how are you?”:

• If you want to connect deeper, ask if the other person is willing to listen.
• It’s okay to say “OK” and move on if you’re not ready to share.
• If you need time to think, ask to revisit the conversation later.

The Power of Connection

Ultimately, what matters most is not the phrasing of the question but the intent behind it. As Li puts it, “Staying in community and being connected with loved ones is what will help us move through this crisis.” By showing care and attention to those around us, we can create meaningful connections that go beyond a simple “how are you?” It’s nice to be asked, and it’s even nicer when someone genuinely cares.