She Strengthens

Meeting the Folks: A Guide for Queer Individuals

Growing up in a traditional suburban neighborhood, I always felt like an outsider. I didn’t play hockey, and I was attracted to members of the same sex. When I finally introduced my boyfriend to my parents, I was terrified. But with some preparation and guidance, the experience turned out to be a positive one.

Don’t Rush the Introduction

When you’re ready to introduce your partner to your parents, make sure they’ve had time to process your sexuality. It took my parents two years to become comfortable with my queerness, and even now, things can still be a little tense at times. Use your instincts to gauge how they’re feeling, and agree on a date that works for everyone.

Exposure to Queer Culture

Before introducing your partner, try to expose your parents to queer culture gradually. This can help them understand and accept your sexuality better. I introduced my parents to queer culture through media, and it made a significant difference. Even small steps, like watching an episode of “Drag Race” together, can help them become more accepting.

Open Communication

It’s essential to have open and honest communication with your parents before introducing your partner. Ask them how they’re feeling, and discuss any concerns or reservations they may have. This will help you work through any issues and make the introduction smoother.

Prepare Your Partner

Let your partner know what to expect when meeting your parents. Describe your parents’ interests, what they like talking about, and what kind of gifts to bring. This will help ease their anxiety and set them up for success. Discuss with your partner what the introduction means to them, how they can engage, and check in with their comfort level.

Decide on Affection

As a proud queer man, I grappled with the idea of being affectionate with my partner in front of my parents. Ultimately, I decided not to, out of respect. Establishing a “ground rule” that neither couple will be affectionate on meeting day can create an equitable space and help your parents understand your relationship better.

Choose a Casual Environment

Meeting the parents can be tense, so it’s best to choose a casual environment that encourages socializing. Consider activities like cooking classes, painting classes, or coffee before a walk in the park. This will help offset the energy and create a welcoming atmosphere.

Set a Time Limit

It’s essential to set a time limit for the introduction to avoid overwhelming everyone. Aim to keep things short and sweet, and decide from there. You can always schedule a follow-up or stay in the moment if things are going well.

Steer the Conversation

Talk about hobbies, music, and experiences that are unique to each person’s culture. This will help create a solid ground for the relationship between your partner and family. When conversations are safe from scrutiny, they can grow organically and survive disagreement.

Prepare for Bumps

Accept that perfection cannot be expected, and do your best to make everybody comfortable. Be patient and don’t rush things. If things don’t go great, that doesn’t mean it’s a wash. Take it as a learning experience and apply these lessons when you connect again.