She Strengthens

The Elusive Art of Building Work Friendships

When I made the leap from Chicago to New York at 29, I knew forming friendships would be a challenge. What I didn’t anticipate was just how difficult it would be. After all, I was joining a community where a staggering 82% of people claimed to have at least one friend. Yet, despite clicking with my coworkers, our relationships remained stuck in neutral.

The False Promise of Office Camaraderie

I had assumed that our shared sense of humor and industry insights would naturally translate to social gatherings outside of work. But every invitation I extended was met with polite refusals. It was as if we were content to keep our relationships confined to the office walls. I was perplexed and, frankly, a little hurt. Where was the depth, the connection, the sense of belonging I had experienced with my colleagues in Chicago?

Revisiting the Past

I reflected on how I had formed strong bonds with my coworkers in Chicago. We were all in our twenties, navigating the uncharted territory of our first “real” jobs. Our late-night confessions, wine-fueled office gatherings, and karaoke nights forged an unbreakable bond. But I realized that this intense camaraderie was a product of our youth and the unique circumstances of our first jobs.

The Harsh Reality of New York

My New York colleagues shed light on the reasons behind their reluctance to socialize outside of work. They had long commutes, family commitments, and precious little time for themselves. I couldn’t fault them for prioritizing their personal lives. As I digested this reality, I began to see that my expectations had been unrealistic.

Growing Up and Adapting

I had to confront the fact that I had matured since my Chicago days. Marathon happy hours and violent weekday hangovers no longer held the same appeal. What I truly missed were the bonding opportunities they provided. I wondered if it was possible to create meaningful connections within the constraints of our 9-to-5 routines.

Respecting Boundaries and Making the Most of It

I chose to focus on the moments we did have together – lunch breaks, coffee chats, and watercooler conversations. We discussed everything from politics to pop culture, and I made a conscious effort to appreciate these interactions. My coworkers made the workday enjoyable, and that was no small feat.

The Power of Workplace Connections

Having someone to trust, to lean on, and to offer guidance is crucial in today’s fast-paced, often isolating work environment. This is especially true for women, people of color, and anyone who feels like they can’t be their authentic selves at work. In a society that prizes toughness and resilience, having a support system can be a lifeline.

Redefining Work Friendships in the Age of Remote Work

The pandemic has forced many of us to reevaluate our approach to workplace connections. I’m adapting to this new reality by meeting people where they are – digitally, emotionally, and with empathy. Whether it’s through virtual happy hours or sharing humorous animal videos, I’m committed to nurturing the bonds I have with my coworkers.