She Strengthens

The Complexities of Estrangement: A Painful yet Liberating Journey

Estrangement can be a messy, toxic, and traumatic experience, especially during the holiday season. It can stir up bittersweet feelings, even when it’s the healthiest decision for one’s well-being. I’ve witnessed the process of estrangement firsthand, watching my husband’s relationship with his family disintegrate over time.

The Mutual Hurt and Pain

While dwelling on the past and the hurt inflicted can be tempting, it only shifts our energy away from the positive blessings in our lives. The causes of estrangement vary, from hate and addiction to politics and religion, but there’s a sense of solidarity among those who have endured this toiling process.

Building a Fortress of Love

We’re often conditioned to think that relatives deserve a free pass, tolerating behavior we wouldn’t accept from others. But why should family get a pass? Setting permanent boundaries with parents or relatives can be necessary, even if it’s uncomfortable.

The Power of Chosen Family

Katya, who is estranged from her mother, asserts that it’s essential to recognize that relatives don’t deserve special treatment. Hilary, on the other hand, prefers not to discuss the specifics of her estrangement. Both women have found solace in their chosen families, developing new traditions and celebrations that bring them joy.

Gratitude and Love

For people with a chosen family, gratitude is a universal feeling. As I’ve learned, having a chosen family can be a beautiful thing. Love that comes with conditions isn’t love; it’s a contract. True love is unconditional, and that’s what matters most.

No Chance of Reconciliation

Every person I spoke to said that there’s no chance of reconciliation with their estranged family member(s). This doesn’t mean that estrangement is always permanent, but it highlights the deep wounds that may persist after cutting ties with someone you were “supposed” to love forever.

Lessons Learned

Estrangement is not black and white; it’s often a complex web of hurt on both ends. As my husband says, “Don’t let people into your life who haven’t earned it.” With estrangement, perspective is everything. What brings joy during the holidays? Faith, loved ones, and remembering that you’re blessed and better off without toxic relationships.

A Silver Lining

There’s always a silver lining, even in estrangement. For some, it’s the freedom from buying Christmas presents. For others, it’s the opportunity to focus on true love and connection. Blood relatives don’t make family; love makes family. And during the holidays, as well as every other day, you deserve love.