She Strengthens

The Unseen Struggle of Waiting Tables

As a recent college graduate, I’ve spent countless hours searching for a full-time job in my field of study, journalism. But when I’m not fantasizing about landing my dream job, I’m working as a waitress. It’s a role that’s taken a toll on my emotional health and self-image.

A Summer of Self-Discovery

My journey into the world of waitressing began the summer after my first year at SUNY New Paltz. I was desperate for money and eager to save up for the next semester. I returned to a seafood restaurant in my hometown, where I had previously worked bussing tables, and was hired as a server.

The Uncomfortable Reality

From the start, I was shocked by the amount of daily conversation that revolved around my appearance. Comments about my looks were just the beginning. I soon realized that many customers and coworkers felt entitled to touch me, simply because I was a server. The truth is, serving tables is not easy. It’s a profession that requires constant people-pleasing, often for tips.

A Day That Changed Everything

One customer took things too far, biting me as I cleared her table. It was a moment that left me feeling disgusted, confused, and gross. The incident set the tone for the rest of my shift, as I wondered why this woman felt it was her right to touch me. I noticed that other tables took similar liberties, commenting on my skin, makeup, and sweatiness. It was a humiliating experience that made me question my self-worth.

The Consequences of People-Pleasing

As a server, my job was to create a seamless experience, often condoning behavior and conversation that was not acceptable. I tried to positively influence my earnings by “sucking it up,” but it failed miserably every time. When I was stressed or less than peppy, it reflected on the tips people would leave for me. The whole experience made me question my moral standards and the boundaries I set in different social situations.

A Lesson Learned

Serving food to the public for money made me tolerate people telling me what I should do with my degree. But I’ve come to realize that customers believe servers are a part of their meals, which is why many have little qualms with asking for personal favors or giving unsolicited opinions. It’s a mentality that can change you, making you doubt your self-worth and question your abilities.

Breaking Free from the Cycle

I’ve learned that being watched implies being judged, and serving tables completely diminishes any doubt. But I’ve also learned that I have the power to control how I react to these situations. Instead of letting the words of strangers impact my self-image, I can understand that what they say is not who I am. I can’t control everything around me, but I can control how I react to it.