She Strengthens

Rethinking Monogamy: Unpacking the Science Behind Infidelity

The Stigma of Cheating

We’ve all heard the whispers: “You’re not committed enough.” “You’re just not cut out for relationships.” But what if the problem isn’t us – it’s our outdated expectations of love and relationships? The truth is, not everyone is wired for monogamy, and science is finally catching up.

Evolutionary Theories: A Limited Perspective

The classic view of evolutionary biology suggests that females seek long-term commitment, while males aim to spread their seed far and wide. However, this simplistic approach neglects the complexities of human relationships, particularly in the LGBTQ community. Moreover, our ancestors’ survival struggles no longer apply to modern society.

Commitment Issues: More Than Just Testosterone

Therapists Susan Pease Gadoua and Joe Kort observe that men, regardless of sexual orientation, are more likely to seek open relationships or extramarital affairs. While testosterone may play a role, social permission to cheat and cultural shifts in gender dynamics cannot be ignored. In fact, women are gaining more freedom to explore their desires, and the playing field may soon level out.

The Influence of Parenthood and Hormones

New parents, especially men, may feel trapped by their responsibilities, leading to a higher risk of infidelity. On the other hand, women’s estrogen levels drop during menopause, prompting a desire for independence and self-care. These hormonal shifts can significantly impact relationship dynamics.

Genetics and Monogamy: A Complicated Dance

Research suggests that some people may be genetically predisposed to nonmonogamy, with certain dopamine receptor genes linked to promiscuity and infidelity. Additionally, vasopressin receptors have been tied to women’s infidelity, but not men’s. While our genes may nudge us toward certain behaviors, we still make choices about our relationships.

Unmet Needs and Financial Security

A Welsh study found that perceptions of wealth can influence our desire for short-term relationships. When basic needs are met, people may focus on luxuries and explore more options, potentially leading to infidelity. Financial security can also impact relationship stability and the likelihood of cheating.

Masculine Insecurity and Validation

Men who aren’t primary breadwinners may feel emasculated and seek validation through infidelity. This outdated definition of masculinity can lead to relationship problems. However, younger couples seem more aware of these issues and are working to redefine traditional roles.

Do Polyamory and Open Marriages Work?

Surprisingly, scientific studies suggest that open and polyamorous relationships can be just as satisfying as monogamous ones. Gay male couples, in particular, have shown success in navigating open relationships. Open communication and setting boundaries are key to making any relationship work.

Setting Boundaries and Expectations

If you’re heading toward a committed relationship, it’s essential to discuss monogamy and involvement of others in your sex life. Be honest about your desires and limitations, and remember that open communication can lead to long-term happiness. By understanding our own needs and boundaries, we can make informed decisions about our relationships and avoid potential heartache.