She Strengthens

The Hidden Dangers of Emotional Coercion

Are you unknowingly manipulating those around you? It’s a question few of us want to consider, but the answer might be yes. According to New York-based psychotherapist Rebecca Hendrix, manipulative behavior can be as simple as communicating in a roundabout way, which can take many forms, from the silent treatment to more subtle behaviors.

The Tactics of Manipulation

Emotional coercion can manifest in various ways, including indirect communication, which can cause problems in personal relationships. Irina Firstein, a New York-based therapist specializing in couples’ counseling, warns that habitual manipulative behavior can lead to resentment and bad blood over time.

Recognizing Manipulative Habits

Here are some common habits that might be indicative of emotional coercion:

The Art of Suggestion

One prime example of manipulative behavior is making “innocent” suggestions, where you present your own idea or desire as someone else’s. Instead of being genuine about your desires, you might say, “Don’t you want some wine? I’ll pick up a bottle,” when the truth is, you’re the one who wants wine. A more direct approach would be to say, “I think I want some wine with dinner; would you be interested?”

The False Choice

Presenting someone with a choice when you’ve already decided what you want is another manipulative tactic. For instance, asking a friend which movie they’d rather see, then explaining why one option is better, while maintaining that the choice is still theirs. A more direct approach would be to say, “I’m leaning toward this movie. What do you think?”

The Art of Forgetting

If you consistently “forget” to do shared tasks or leave others to pick up the slack, you might be engaging in emotional coercion. Instead of pressuring someone indirectly, it’s better to honestly discuss what needs to be done and communicate about ways things can be handled.

Overpromising and Underdelivering

Making promises you can’t keep is another behavior that can be manipulative. This could be overselling an event or offering a bargain without following through. When your end of the deal isn’t upheld, the other person is likely to feel deceived. It’s better to be direct and explore why someone might not want to do something, rather than trying to strong-arm them into doing what you want.

The Martyr Complex

Casting oneself as a martyr can be a way to get others to do what you want, but it’s an unhealthy approach. Instead of pressuring someone indirectly, make sure your ask is fair and reasonable, then be straightforward about what you need.

The Power of Silence

Believe it or not, saying nothing can be emotionally coercive as well. When you deal with a conflict or feeling of being wronged by not talking about it, you leave the other person with few options other than to try to appease you. It’s better to clear the air and give the other person a chance to explain their behavior without buckling to an apology that they might not feel is due.

By recognizing these habits and making a conscious effort to communicate more directly and honestly, you can improve the health of your relationships and avoid engaging in emotional coercion.