She Strengthens

Navigating the Complexities of Grief

Grief is a universal human experience, yet it affects each of us differently. While some may appear to bounce back quickly, others may struggle with intense emotional pain and physical symptoms. According to Blythe Landry, LCSW, M.Ed., a certified specialist with the Grief Recovery Method, “Our society doesn’t teach us how to consciously grieve, and our ability to heal from loss is directly related to our willingness to engage in an active program of grief recovery.”

Understanding the Grief Process

Grief is a dynamic and ever-changing experience that can shift from day to day, even minute to minute. Two popular models, the five-stage and seven-stage models, attempt to capture the common threads of the grief process.

The Five-Stage Model

Developed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, the five-stage model includes:

• Denial: A grace period where the griever digests the news, often accompanied by numbing, shock, and disbelief.
• Anger: Frustration and outsized reactions to seemingly benign occurrences, serving as a source of focus for placing blame.
• Bargaining: Attempts to negotiate with loss through prayers, “if only” statements, and promises.
• Depression: Feeling the loss most acutely, often accompanied by heaviness and fatigue.
• Acceptance: Moving forward and learning to adjust to the new reality, rather than “getting over” the loss.

The Seven-Stage Model

A more nuanced model includes:

• Shock and Denial
• Pain and Guilt
• Anger and Bargaining
• Depression
• The Upward Turn
• Reconstruction and Working Through
• Acceptance and Hope

Grieving the End of a Relationship

Breakups can be particularly challenging, causing psychological distress, depression, fatigue, and emotional numbness. Research suggests that our brains interpret romantic rejection as a profound sense of loss. It’s essential to acknowledge the pain and allow yourself to feel your emotions in a safe and supportive environment.

Honor the Grief of Job Losses

Losing a job can create a unique sense of grief, accompanied by uncertainty and self-doubt. It’s crucial to recognize the emotional toll and be gentle with yourself as you move forward.

The Unpredictable Timeline of Grief

Grief doesn’t follow a linear timeline, and it’s impossible to predict how long the process will take. It’s essential to be patient and gentle with yourself, avoiding expectations and repression of difficult emotions.

Healthy Ways to Process a Loss

• Feel Your Feelings: Give yourself space to feel uncomfortable and painful emotions, leading to better mental and physical health.
• Make One Small, Daily Choice: Clear time in your day to actively grieve, whether through old photos, storytelling, or crying.
• Make One Small Choice to Move Forward: Engage in activities that propel you forward, such as starting a project, doing something kind, or making plans with a friend.
• Work with a Therapist: Seek support from a therapist or mental health resource to avoid isolation and facilitate healing.

Remember, grief is a unique and individual experience, and it’s essential to be gentle with yourself as you heal on your own terms.