She Strengthens

The Weight of Perfection

Growing up, I was the girl who felt like an outcast. I was self-conscious about my body, always hiding behind baggy clothes and avoiding social situations where I’d be the center of attention. I thought that if I could just lose weight, all my problems would magically disappear. But, as I soon discovered, that wasn’t the case.

A Costly Pursuit

After years of struggling with my weight, I finally reached my goal of weighing under 130 pounds. But, it came at a price – literally. I spend over $6,000 a year on “good” foods, gym memberships, trainers, and expensive workout gear. I’ve moralized food in my head, believing that certain labels like organic, macrobiotic, and vegan are the only way to go. But, deep down, I know it’s not just about being healthy; it’s about being thin.

Unraveling the Truth

My therapist has helped me realize that my worth isn’t defined by my size. However, it’s hard to shake off the feeling that I’m only worthy if I fit into a certain mold. I’ve come to understand that there’s a difference between wanting to get healthy and wanting to look good for others. The two often get tangled up, making it difficult to decipher what’s driving my decisions.

Breaking Free from Extremes

This year, I’m making a conscious effort to focus on health rather than image. I want to learn moderation and allow myself to make imperfect choices. It’s not about depriving myself of delicious foods, but about finding balance. I’m also working on controlling my emotions and not letting a minor weight fluctuation send me into a tailspin.

Taking Control

My next step is to break free from the cycle of extremes. I’m getting rid of my personal trainer and taking ownership of my fitness journey. I’m learning to trust myself and make healthy choices without relying on someone else. It’s a big step towards saving money and finding a more sustainable approach to health.

Embracing Imperfection

My body and health are ongoing struggles, but I’m finally understanding that health doesn’t have to be a luxury item. I’m working towards loving and accepting myself, imperfections and all. It’s not about achieving perfection; it’s about finding peace and balance in my pursuit of wellness.