She Strengthens

Rethinking Happiness: The Pursuit of Contentment

We’ve all been there – chasing that elusive feeling of happiness, only to find ourselves disappointed and frustrated when it doesn’t last. But what if we’ve been going about it all wrong? What if happiness isn’t the ultimate goal, but rather a byproduct of living a balanced and authentic life?

The Unattainable Dream of Eternal Happiness

Most of us can agree that happiness is a desirable state, but is it realistic to expect to feel happy all the time? Dr. Wyatt Fisher, a licensed psychologist, suggests that focusing on happiness can create problems. “It’s a relatively recent phenomenon to be obsessed with happiness. For thousands of years, life was about survival. Only within the last century or so have people earned enough money where they could be concerned with higher-order items such as happiness.”

The Dangers of Chasing Happiness

Experts argue that the constant pursuit of happiness is actually the cause of our unhappiness. Anjhula Mya Singh Bais, PhD, International Psychology, notes that “the fact that we are chasing after happiness as the ideal state is exactly what causes us misery.” By trying to suppress natural emotions like fear, anger, or sadness, we’re creating unrealistic expectations and setting ourselves up for disappointment.

The Importance of Authenticity

Chasing happiness can come at the cost of authenticity. Dr. Bais suggests that “people are crashing and burning” because they’re trying to maintain a facade of happiness all the time. “At one point or another, the veneer will crack. We have it backwards: we think we are unhappy because we have these ‘negative’ sides to us. Actually, when we welcome and accept negativity, looking it straight in the eye, ironically we become happier.”

Finding Balance

Perhaps the ultimate goal shouldn’t be happiness, but rather achieving balance in our lives. Celine Elis Alvarez, a psychotherapist, defines this as “realism.” “When you use realism, you are balancing optimism with pessimism. It’s helpful to use discernment so that you can be realistic about your life, keep yourself safe, but also take risks.”

The Power of Negative Emotions

Emotions we’ve dubbed “negative” are not only unavoidable but also necessary for growth. Depression, for example, may serve an evolutionary purpose, helping us analyze complex problems. Paul Andrews, an evolutionary psychologist, suggests that depression may yield insights and personal meaning.

Reframing Negative Emotions

It’s time to reframe these less-than-enjoyable emotional states. “All emotions are messengers,” says Dr. Bais. “Some, especially ‘negative’ ones, are trying to get in touch with you. These emotions carry important messages born out of an innate intuition or knowing experience, connecting the dots and an inner homeostasis that our bodies and minds try to maintain.”

Gratitude: The Key to Contentment

Gratitude is often seen as an emotion dependent on happiness, but it’s actually a learned trait that can bring about happiness. Dr. Fisher suggests keeping a daily “thankful” journal to cultivate an attitude of gratitude. This simple activity can shift our focus on the good around us and decrease our emphasis on the negative.

Redefining Happiness

Instead of seeing happiness as an end goal, perhaps we should redefine it as a state of mind – a self-awareness and sense of gratitude. Happiness is a choice we make, not a mood we’re involuntarily thrust into. By making this shift, we can free ourselves from the chains of discontentment and find contentment in the balance of our lives.